Still in Edmonton.

I don't know that he necessarily wants to die, but he surely has given up on living. It's difficult - he won't talk to anyone, he won't come downstairs. He just lies in bed and sleeps. Even the nurses don't know what to do about him. The only time we get a direct reaction from him is when we tell him if he doesn't make some attempt to help himself, he'll have to be put in the hospital. That seems to terrify him into a little fit of rage, if only for a few minutes.

Coincidence: I was just reading elsewhere about motivation.

He hugged me when he saw me. He has not hugged or even made an attempt to touch anyone else. I think M. resents it. Not me, as such.. maybe he resents Yury. I don't know. I downplayed it, saying I think I startled Yury and he wasn't so much lifting his arm to hug me as much as to ward off impending evil.

M. is hurting, deeply. So much so I don't know what to do. So I do nothing, just occasionally hold his hand or rub his back and hope at some point he'll need me to listen when he feels like talking.

Bella is death on feet. And she's angry. Angry at Yury. I don't speak russian, but I understood her when she yelled at him this morning. It was along the lines of him wanting to die, fine, she's ok with that but he has absolutely no right to try and take her with him. If he would show just a mustard seed of interest in preserving his life, she'd carry him until she couldn't anymore. It was one of those speeches you hear in after school specials after which the invalid is inspired to walk/run/fly. Yury reacted with a little less enthusiasm - he rolled over and pretended to sleep.

Brother-in-law and fiance are useless. I have confirmed this with my own eyes. This is probably an unfair assessment but it stands.

Yesterday was our 13th wedding anniversary. Wine, cake and two tylenol 3's.

He got me a Kitchenaid mixer and flowers. I was surprised and happy with both.



soundtrack: Goo Goo Dolls - "Iris"