Woke up today feeling crappy. Not ill or physically pained in some way but just plain simple crappy. Gave a half-hearted attempt at a smile when handing M. his tea as he left for work. Kiss on the cheek and a "buck up li'l camper" wink was my reward. Cheers for relational familiarity.

Grabbed a hot cuppa joe and a cigarette and went to hide in the bathroom. Sat on the edge of the tub and for as long as possible; avoided looking at myself in the large medicine cabinet mirror I was facing. Already knew I was beyond a bad hair day.

the wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round

Some days, like today, I think the teleologists have it easy. A battle of attrition can have meaning. The details can be a little blurry because it's the big picture that matters; it all has a purpose.

oy.

So angsty. Not what I'm meaning at all.

I just didn't want to face myself in the mirror because I did not want to see myself there, where I am not. Which is to say here.

I've no sense of articulation at the moment. Sorry.



soundtrack: Jethro Tull - "Stormy Monday Blues"