Okay. Over the years I've subscribed and unsubscribed to many magazines. I got too old for Seventeen, was never narcissistic enough for Glamour, and never hip enough for Cosmo. I became depressed reading Time and Newsweek, while Good Housekeeping made me feel inadequate. I do remember sneaking peeks at my father's Playboys, but then went to college and never returned home. I got sucked into all the false hopes of Writer's Digest, and added its subscription cost to my tax filings as a business loss. I love Cigar Aficionado, but don't like cigars and can't afford the products they advertise. And how many of you have 20 storage boxes with National Geographic?

One magazine I'll never let lapse is AARP. Okay, so it's free with my annual membership dues, but I swear to you, this magazine is the bee's knees. Oops, am I dating myself? It's chock full of useful fodder. Hmmm, is that an oxymoron?

Okay. Enough stalling. The July/August issue includes an article called Leapin' Libido. Of course my eyes leapt there first as I furiously thumbed through the pages.

I quote, "Scientists have discovered some easy do-it-yourself strategies that can turn the heat back up." A disclaimer is herein required: My husband and I have plenty of heat, but a menu change is common policy in restaurants, why not for us!

Ya know, there was a time when a garter belt here, a thong there, a Victoria Secret's magic bra, or a whip and handcuffs did the trick. Well, here are my new tricks compliments of AARP.

1. The smell of sugary foods stimulates sexy feelings

Pronto, I jumped in the car, floored the gas and raced to my local Krispy Kreme store to buy a few dozen. Then I raced home to spread them all over the bed - much like some fools spread rose petals.

2. Banish TV

Well, this is sort of obvious, but sigh, I guess no more Leave it to Beaver reruns for us.

3. Break into a sweat: Twenty minutes of aerobic exercise spurs significant increases in women's responses to sexual stimuli.

Ya dummies - why do you think I train 1 1/2 hours, 6 days a week! All my husband has to do is toss a side glance at me and I'm stimulated.

4. Do the dishes: Guys who help out with the housework are seen as sexier by their partners.

Boy Howdy! My husband is a pioneer in this venue, a Renaissance M-A-N, a genius. He's always washed the dinner dishes - by hand, mind you. Regarding additional housework - my mind gets dizzy visualizing him with our Hoover.

5. Snuggle up - even nonsexual contact like handholding can prompt the release of oxytocin

Well, I don't know what the heck oxytocin is (sounds a bit oral to me), but one of the reasons I fell so madly in love with Brian is that he's always reaching for my hands (and I don't mean pinning them behind my raised legs. Truth is, handholding is very romantic for me - a tender sign of affection that makes me swoon.

Yup, AARP magazine is simply the best - no matter what your age.

Gotta dash - there's a 4th of July sale on Krispy Kremes.

P.S. God bless America that I am able to post this blog. Happy 4th. xoxo