Had me an epiphany this weekend, I did.

You intrepid readers of this regular series of writerly ramblings know that I'm trying to finish my Master's thesis. The original plan was to have it done, at least as a draft, by the end of this month, and that goal may still be attainable.

I've been stressing out for the last three or four weeks because I had one short story to finish writing ("In Jurong") and one to rewrite ("Last Fare") to complete my seven story suite. All the stories were thematically linked in that they deal with the archetypal Trickster, and then they were all connected (however loosely) by the final story ("BlueGreen Quietus: A Triptych," which includes "Reality, Interrupted" and "In Jurong").

The stress part came in that "In Jurong" was taking forever to write. As reported earlier, I'd frankly gotten bored with the story, and the writing felt pedestrian, and I just didn't want to work on it anymore. I was uninspired. Watching some great foreign films helped, as did reading K.J. Bishop's "We the Enclosed," and for a while, I was actually excited about it again. I changed the viewpoint to second person (a risky prospect, but, I figured, a necessary one), and paid more attention to the language. The first scene was much better, more funny and more frightening. A character went from a spear-carrier to a bad-ass warrior type.

And then it stopped.

And wouldn't start again.

I tried different things. Writing the words longhand. Retyping it into my iBook. Sitting in the living room. Sitting in a cafe. None of it worked.

Then I realized that my writer's block (which is a bit of a misnomer, since I knew what I wanted to put on the page, but just couldn't, more of a writer's clog) was tied into my anxiety about finishing the thesis in time. I couldn't start rewrites on "Last Fare" until "In Jurong" was finished (don't ask me why), and so I was continually feeling the pressure, and being paralyzed into inaction.

So I made a decision. Instead of the thesis being a seven story Trickster suite, I would make it an honest-to-Buddha collection, one that is representative of my writing over the last few years, the period of time I've been working on my M.A. I would include stories that have already been published (or will be soon), as well as my most recent that haven't found homes yet.

I would still need to finish writing "In Jurong," but I'd no longer feel pressured also to finish "Last Fare." If I got it done in time, great; if not, no worries.

Goodbye, Seven Little Deaths: A Story-Suite. Hello, Lies and Little Deaths.

Here's the table of contents:

1. Preface
2. Don’t Blink
3. Hair
4. Songstress
5. Jury Duty
6. Watersnake, Firesnake
7. One Less
8. Stuck
9. One Big Crunch
10. Most Excellent and Lamentable
11. Solipsister
12. A Night in the Great Dismal Swamp
13. Ghost Dancing
14. Night Off
15. Enlightenment
16. The Artists Pentaptych
17. Skin Flute
18. Irregardless
19. Hypomnesia
20. Expiation
21. Reality, Interrupted
22. In Jurong

In addition to more fully representing my writing over the past few years, it also bumps up my word count, from ~31,000 words to ~52,000 words, which is approaching a respectable book length. It's also a good template if I want to approach Prime or another publisher later; by then, hopefully I'll have published more stories, and can substitute them for less strong ones.

And so, this realization, this epiphanic moment freed the blockage, the inspirational plaque, or at least loosened it slightly, and I was able to concentrate on writing "In Jurong" again. I took my iBook to the coffeehouse after work today, and managed about 1200 words in just under two hours.

Yay.

Now Reading:
Four Stories Till the End by Zoran Zivkovic

Stories Out to Publishers:
9

Books Read This Year:
3

Zines/Graphic Novels/Fiction Mags Read This Year:
1