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2003-07-30 11:57 AM
I've Been Born Again! Hallelujah!
It's the day you've all been waiting for! I've finally seen the light. I now wish to walk in the footsteps of our Lord and lemming-like walk over the cliffs of righteousness.
I have wronged all of you with my free-thinking diatribes. I have led you into thought; free-thought, nonetheless! I have corrupted the purity of your ignorance with ideas of logic and reason, whilst all along ignoring the fact that God created you ignorant! I have been the snake in your Garden of Eden.
Had OUR GLORIOUS PRESIDENT not shown me the error of my ways; had he not shown me that compassion can still exist within my heart while stoning the homosexuals; had he not proven by his example that God rewards the moronic with positions of power; I would still be the sinner you've all known in the past. May I share a few words from the Gospel of George with you?
“I BELIEVE MARRIAGE is between a man and a woman and I believe we ought to codify that one way or the other and we have lawyers looking at the best way to do that,” the president said a wide-ranging news conference at the White House Rose Garden.
Bush also urged, however, that America remain a “welcoming country” — not polarized on the issue of homosexuality.
“I am mindful that we’re all sinners and I caution those who may try to take a speck out of the neighbor’s eye when they got a log in their own,” the president said. “I think it is important for our society to respect each individual, to welcome those with good hearts.”
“On the other hand, that does not mean that someone like me needs to compromise on the issue of marriage,” he added.
Say Amen with me, brothers and sisters. You see? God wants you to teach tolerance whilst hanging the faggots out to dry! God wants you to preach love while we give those lesbians the good, stiff dick they need to turn them around and make them into loving, adoring--yet in-their-place-liberated, breeders of tiny hands that will one day add to the coffers of the church. God wants you to kill abortionists! He wants you to un-teach science! How do I know? Look who He has given THE POWER! Look who He has chosen to run our country! And Amen for that, brothers and sisters. Before, (dare I hope it?) King George, if the Supreme Court said that Texas law violated an individuals right to privacy, well then, that privacy was guaranteed, no matter at what cost to their immortal souls. But don't you fret, King George won't let that happen. He'll make sure that our Constitution doesn't get in the way of God's plan. He'll make sure that no panel of wussy-ass liberal judges, no matter how many centuries of legal expertise they have between them, jeapordizes your moral fiber as GOD FEARING AMERICANS!
King George will protect us! King George will save us from ourselves! And even if we have to pay additional taxes; even if we have to have our cup of tea taxed, LONG LIVE KING GEORGE! DOWN WITH REASON! DOWN WITH SCIENCE! DOWN WITH GAYS!
And fuck you, too.
Joseph Haines, signing off from The Edge of The Abyss.
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