Thought I'd better pop in before y'all started thinking I'd fallen off the planet.

As I told you, I was scheduled to go into the hospital for removal of my port. The day before the surgery, I registered by phone...answering all the insurance, next of kin, religious preference, listed diseases, medications, and all the other questions they insist on asking each time I go there.

After all the cancer treatments, check-ups, x-rays, ct scans, MRIs...wouldn't you think they know me by now? Don't they put this information into the computer? I fully expected to show up at my 7 AM appointment...have the 15 minute procedure done and be out in time to have breakfast around 9:30 or 10AM.

HA! Fat chance!

I was there at 6:45 AM cause I am a very punctual individual.

At 7:00, a nurse took me to the registration desk...where I again had to answer all the questions I had already answered the day before. That should have given me a clue as to how the day was gonna go.

At 7:20, I was taken to my room...told to disrobe and put on the fashionable hospital gown.

At 7:30, a nurse came in with a clipboard and asked me half of the same questions I had already answered twice.

A different nurse came in around 8 AM and started an IV.

Keep in mind folks...I haven't yet had my coffee or blood pressure meds. Audrey without coffee is not a pretty sight.

I was left alone til about 9:15 when the anesthesiologist came in and repeated the questions of the day. (Just picture my face right about now.)

She left and the surgeon came in...I saw him in the elevator when I first came in. He told me for the 3rd time exactly what he was gonna do.

At 10:15, a guy name Fritz came and told me I was going to have to go downstairs for a chest X-ray. I said they already had one from a previous visit.

He said it didn't matter...he had his orders and I was going to X-ray. He wheeled my gurney down the hallway, onto the elevator and down 2 floors to the radiology department. He said the techs were waiting for me.

they weren't.

Around 10:45 a young gal came in and said they couldn't do the x-ray right now cause they didn't have the order in the book but another person had run upstairs to get it.

By 11:00 I was getting pretty pissed off. Trying to keep me calm, I presume that's what she was doing, she tried to make small talk. I wasn't in the mood. Then she asked me if I could stand up for the chest x-ray.

I told her I didn't think so...I had been on the gurney for 4 hours and I presumed it was because I was already dead!

It was about 11:15 when the order seeker returned to say I didn't have to have an x-ray after all, they already had one on file.

They quickly whisked me back up to the surgical floor.

I was finally taken to the OR around 11:45...sedated, operated on and taken to the recovery room.

By noon, I was wide awake and trying my best to get the hell out of there.

More questions, more paperwork..now it was 12:45.

It took me 2 minutes to get dressed...my daughter went to bring the car around. I had to wait another 15 minutes for the lady in the pink coat to come with a wheelchair.

I left the grounds at approximately 1:25 pm.

Can you imagine...nearly 6-1/2 hours for a 15 minute procedure???

The hospital called me the next day and wanted to know if I was pleased with my care. Any guesses to my response?

The surgery was successful, the port is gone and I no longer have to go for the once a month flushing...which is a good thing.

Now I just have to go have the stitches removed...another 15 minute procedure. This time though, it's the doctor's office and I think it should take a little less time...maybe only 5 hours.:)

Patience is not this patient's greatest virtue.