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The past couple of weeks I really feel as though I have been tested. I believe that God puts things in your life as lessons and if your not learning from them he keeps sending things your way until you have learned. On Thursday night, after work I came home from an exhausting day at work and ended up falling asleep on my couch for two hours. When I woke up, I grabbed my cell phone to make a call to one of my best friends from cali. When I looked at the display on my phone I noticed that I had 11 missed calls from my dad. I immediately panicked knowing that something was not right, so i called him, couldn't get in touch with him, so then I called my Grandma and got the news. My dear, sweet, loving Grandpa has lost 40 pounds in 2 months and is extremely sick and is going through tests to find out the cause. I listened intently as she told me everything that had happened, trying my hardest not to just lose my shit while on the phone with her and stay calm and rational. Then my mother beeped in on the other line so I told my grandma I would call her back and took my mom's call. My mom advised me to fly down this week because it may be the last time I am able to see my grandfather. That's when it hit me... the man that picked me up from school everyday, went to my parent teacher conferences, never missed a recital, gave me the nickname "punky", was there for me when my parents went through their horrible divorce, helped me with my homework, let me give him manicures,took me in when my mom kicked me out in highschool, stuck up for me even when he knew I was wrong,took care of me when I was constantly ill when I was little, played school and dolls with me when I was little, helped me out whenever I have ever needed anything without even having to ask, helped me through the most turbulent times in my life, was always my #1 fan, one of the closest and dearest people in my life since day one might be gone sooner than any of us have ever expected. The thought is quite honestly unbearable to me. He is a father to me and I am not ready to say goodbye right now. My previous post is an eery premonitory in the fact that right now, the only thing that comes to mind is how hopelessly helpless I am feeling right now.

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