lovenlive's Journal

The Beginning Of The End

shannonjpropertymanagement@hotmail.com — Fri, 24 Oct 08 10:07:00 UT

My grandfather had his appointment yesterday afternoon with his doctor to go over his test results. He has cancer in both lungs, and it has spread to his adrenal gland, lymph nodes,and rib cage. The doctors are doing a cat scan on the lower part of his body to see if the cancer has spread to his colon or anywhere else. My brother called me yesterday to break the news and I felt like I was going to collapse from sadness. I'm not so naive to think that my grandparents were going to live forever, but it seems so unfair that someone who is such a good -hearted person has to suffer through the agony of cancer ravaging his body. It makes me mad at God that people who do horrible things get to die by lethal injection and just stop breathing, while someone who is so kind and has lived his life in an honest way has to go through this. It makes absolutely zero sense. Sorry this posting is such a downer. Hope everyone on journalscape is well.

A Poem For B

shannonjpropertymanagement@hotmail.com — Mon, 20 Oct 08 21:59:00 UT

Big Green eyes,
The color of the sea,
my little love,
belongs to only me

Little white paws
little tiger stripes
velvet ears
her innocence brings me to tears

My cuddle buddy when I'm sad
The look of reason when I am mad
Her purr of joy
her little mouse toy

All the things that I love about B
My angel cub belongs to only me.

People You Meet On Planes

shannonjpropertymanagement@hotmail.com — Sat, 18 Oct 08 19:31:00 UT

I just came home today after flying to California to see my family. I had an amazing time seeing everyone. It's always good to spend time with family especially if you haven't seen them in a while. Being the nervous and panicky flier that I am, I have strange little rituals that I practice to alleaviate anxiety during a flight that I got from a " Flying without fear" book. One of the suggestions is snapping a rubber band against your wrist when you get panicky and it's supposed to re-train your brain to get out of a negative mind set. Doesn't work, and it makes you look like a crazy ass snapping a rubber band against your arm wile chanting " I'm okay" over and over again. On my flight out to California last Sunday, I met two of the most amazing people I think I have ever come across on a flight. I sat next to a 30 something year old photographer named Rachel and an author from Australia, and sadly I cannot remember his name. She could tell that I was a little on edge and found great humor in my rubberband and the fear of flying book that I was reading that she took numerous pictures of both on the flight. She confided in me about her painful divorce, told me about her travels, family, her amazing job, new boyfriend..ect, and I confided the details of my life story just the same. The author, listening to us go on and on, decided to join in and we became kindred spirits on that short flight from Salt Lake City to Long Beach California. It's funny to me how you can share the most intimate stories of your life to a complete stranger, and in that time during the flight, they become your instant friend, and then you get to your destinations, and then go off on your seperate way. It's like an emotional one night stand on an airplane. Anyway, Rachel gave me her blog info and I gave her mine, and I hope that we can correspond electronically because I found her to be one of the most unique and free spirited personalities that I have met in a long time. Hope everyone is well!

Helpless

shannonjpropertymanagement@hotmail.com — Sat, 11 Oct 08 18:56:00 UT

The past couple of weeks I really feel as though I have been tested. I believe that God puts things in your life as lessons and if your not learning from them he keeps sending things your way until you have learned. On Thursday night, after work I came home from an exhausting day at work and ended up falling asleep on my couch for two hours. When I woke up, I grabbed my cell phone to make a call to one of my best friends from cali. When I looked at the display on my phone I noticed that I had 11 missed calls from my dad. I immediately panicked knowing that something was not right, so i called him, couldn't get in touch with him, so then I called my Grandma and got the news. My dear, sweet, loving Grandpa has lost 40 pounds in 2 months and is extremely sick and is going through tests to find out the cause. I listened intently as she told me everything that had happened, trying my hardest not to just lose my shit while on the phone with her and stay calm and rational. Then my mother beeped in on the other line so I told my grandma I would call her back and took my mom's call. My mom advised me to fly down this week because it may be the last time I am able to see my grandfather. That's when it hit me... the man that picked me up from school everyday, went to my parent teacher conferences, never missed a recital, gave me the nickname "punky", was there for me when my parents went through their horrible divorce, helped me with my homework, let me give him manicures,took me in when my mom kicked me out in highschool, stuck up for me even when he knew I was wrong,took care of me when I was constantly ill when I was little, played school and dolls with me when I was little, helped me out whenever I have ever needed anything without even having to ask, helped me through the most turbulent times in my life, was always my #1 fan, one of the closest and dearest people in my life since day one might be gone sooner than any of us have ever expected. The thought is quite honestly unbearable to me. He is a father to me and I am not ready to say goodbye right now. My previous post is an eery premonitory in the fact that right now, the only thing that comes to mind is how hopelessly helpless I am feeling right now.

Helplessly Hoping

shannonjpropertymanagement@hotmail.com — Fri, 26 Sep 08 21:14:00 UT

I wanted to share one of my favorite songs. Crosby,Stills, and Nash harmonize so beautifully in this song.

Getting Rid Of The Clutter!

shannonjpropertymanagement@hotmail.com — Sun, 21 Sep 08 09:33:00 UT

Today is the day that I am finally getting rid of the clutter in my house. I have already got together 2 garbage bags full of clothes and I am starting on my third one full of shoes. I think it's a really good thing to give away what your not using and give it to someone that may need it. Its a double good thing, since you are getting the old unwanted stuff out of your space and blessing someone else's life with it. It's my personal belief that when you get rid of the extra things that you don't need, are old, unattractive to you, or are useless, you leave room in your life for new, fresh, energy to flow through. Have you ever noticed that after you have purged your old belongings you feel so much more lighter and energized? I still have a long way to go, maybe about 5 hours each day for the next week, but I am determined to get it done. Ill post pictures of my new and improved space, and hopefully it will be an inspiration to everyone to get their lives in order too. ;)

Exciting Changes

shannonjpropertymanagement@hotmail.com — Mon, 8 Sep 08 21:21:00 UT

I am a firm believer that changes in life are important. Changes are what keeps you looking forward to the next day. Changes are what helps you learn and grow in your life. My husband suggested a few days ago that we should move to San Francisco. Of course, being a lover of adventure, I agreed. I am so excited in this next chapter in our life. I even found a fun little apartment right on the beach. Its small and I have no idea where I am going to fit my farm of dogs and cats, but I don't care. I am totally open to this new place and the many new experiences that I will have. Hopefully, we will be able to move to our apartment in March or April of next year. We will just rent out our house in Utah while we are there. I was sitting around thinking last night about how many different things that I have seen and experienced in my relatively short time on earth. I tend to immerse myself in the environment that I am in. For example, when I moved to Utah, I learned all that I could about the Mormon church, even though I didn't convert, I felt it was important to be familiar with the people's beliefs that I am around on a day to day basis. I even went out and bought a horse and two goats. I had the farm that I always wanted! I went to Sundance and took pictures with celebrities, hiked in the canyons, played in the snow. I am giddy with excitement about all the fun things that I will be able to do in San Francisco. I have already made a list. maybe Ill share in my next post as it is growing by the minute. Thanks for reading :)

Some favorite quotes

shannonjpropertymanagement@hotmail.com — Mon, 1 Sep 08 10:54:00 UT

No matter how close to yours another's steps have grown, in the end there is one dance you'll do alone.
Jackson Browne

Dogs never bite me. Just humans.
Marilyn Monroe

If I'd observed all the rules, I'd never have got anywhere.
Marilyn Monroe

Update

shannonjpropertymanagement@hotmail.com — Sat, 30 Aug 08 00:14:00 UT

Thank you to those who posted such nice comments regarding my posting about my husband's illness. He has fully recovered and is back to work and back to his overly ambitious ways ;) Such a relief. When stuff like this happens, it puts things into perspective. The only truly important things in life are health, family, and love. If you have those things, you truly are a blessed person. It's great to have money and nice stuff, but that is not what makes life worth living at all.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Life Throws You Curveballs, don't it?

shannonjpropertymanagement@hotmail.com — Sat, 23 Aug 08 12:02:00 UT

My husband is an intensive care nurse at a local hospital. A few days ago, he discovered a boil on his stomach and knew right away it was cellulitis. After going to the doctor they diagnosed it as MRSA ( a type of staph that doesn't respond well to antibiotics). I am worried sick. He has been to the hospital three times and it's still getting worse. Please pray for his recovery. He is the most important thing to me in this world. All I want is for him to get better.

That's ALL I want. :(

Let Your Intuition Lead The Way

shannonjpropertymanagement@hotmail.com — Sat, 16 Aug 08 13:55:00 UT

I have had this friend since I was 15 years old. She is also a member of my husband's family. Over the course of 10 years, she has become the most manipulative, heartless, evil person. The final straw for our relationship in my opinion came when she decided to start a scene at a relatives wedding and accused me of having plastic surgery, but like usual, Im getting ahead of myself.

This girl,( I will call her Sonya) lived with my husband and I, mooching off of us when we were dirt poor when we first moved out on our own. She ate our food, secretly did drugs in my bathroom, and as crazy as this sounds, brought evil spirits into our appartment ( I will get into that in a later post). I noticed over the course of a few years whenever I would be around her I would get this overwhelming feeling of dread. I would also have physical symptoms that would take form in severe headaches, nausea, and even panic attacks. At first, i thought that it was just a coincidence, but when it became more of a pattern, I realized that there was a definite connection to the signals that my body was giving me when I was around Sonya. I read the book " Positive Energy" by Judith Orloff ( a must read for anyone into the metaphysical), and I was amazed. In the book, it explained that there are people, much like Sonya, who are " energy vampires". People who are "intuitive empaths", meaning you can feel the energy of other people at a higher level than most, often times feel sick and have very real physical symptoms when they are surounded by an energy vampire. If anyone is having this experience, please run, don't walk, to your bookstore and pick up this book. It has helped me tremendously, and I am happy to report that this " energy vampire" is no longer allowed in my life to feed off of me anymore.

Remember, Intuition is a God given gift. The more you pay attention and tune in, the stronger it will become.

Peace.

Another Sleepless Night

shannonjpropertymanagement@hotmail.com — Thu, 14 Aug 08 02:14:00 UT

So at one o clock this morning, I was rudely awakened by all of my fire alarms going off upstairs.I sit straight up in bed and before I even have a chnace to gather whatever thoughts one would have this early in the morning, I dash upstairs to see what the problem is. I grab a chair and try to disable the alarm since there is clearly no fire anywhere. I remove the battery, wave my hands madly in front of it, I even tried hitting the damned thing repeatedly to get it to shut the hell up. Finally...it stops. I take a deep breath. Then...it starts up again. SHIT!!!!!!! Finally it stops. By now, Im pretty badly shaken up. In true neurotic fashion, I call my husband who is at work ( he works in the Intensive Care Unit as a nurse at a hospital 30 minutes away, so he can't just leave). After rambling on for about 5 minutes straight, he politely advises me to go to the hospital if I have any symptoms of carbon monoxide poisoning, and tells me that he has to go because someone is having a health emergency.Carbon monoxide poisoning?! I didn't even think of that!!!!! I tell him I love him, thinking this may be the last time. I then bug the fire department and again get the same "polite" response...." go to the hospital if you have signs of co poisoning". By now, Im freaking out so I throw on appropraite clothes and run to the walmart close by that's open 24 hours a day. I run in like a mad woman and frantically ask where the CO detectors are ( I only have smoke detectors in my house). The woman looks a little taken aback and directs me in the right direction. I hurry home with my new detector and am pleased to report that there is no fatal fumes lurking in my home. Life has a funny way of waking you up, literally.