Maggie Croft's Personal Journal young spirit, wire-wrapped
spark electric grandmother
arc against the night
-- Lon Prater
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2007-11-20 3:49 PM
a singular person
Once upon a time, a long time ago, when people wanted to make a loaded comment about someone else, whilst still being polite and not saying too much, one would refer to such a person as being "a singular person".
It's sort of like the word "interesting" -- there may be connotations there, other than the word would imply.
Sometimes I wonder if those who write, at least some of us, do it to communicate with the world. I mean, there's lots of reasons for one to write, and one writer may have many, many reasons for why they write, but to communicate in a world where they can't with so many of those around them would seem to be a strong force.
I took Avadore and LD to a sort of party for Avadore's school. A bunch of the parents got together and decided they'd take their kids to a local party palace sort of place so the kids could play and the adults could get a break for a while after having the kids home 24/7 for 3 1/2 days.
After successfully being a singular person for a bit, I ended up spending most of the party with Jane Eyre via Charlotte Bronte. And as Jane and I sat together, discussing the difficulties Jane endured whilst in school, and the discussions she had with Helen, we communicated and communed and enjoyed one another's company in a way I was unable to do with the physically present people all around me.
Winter was here for most of last week, which is primarily why I haven't been online recently. (If you've sent me an e-mail I promise I will be getting to those here eventually.)
He is in love, which is good. He communed with her via the phone or IM most of the time, whilst I communed with food in my kitchen and cleaned house and did laundry. There was a lot of cooking and there was baking, and introspection. There was little interpersonal communication. I found it a little sad; my friend is moving on. Still, I'm happy for him; he's been so lonely.
I am an introvert, and I suspect there is nothing I can to do change that, so that it takes a long time and a particular sort of person (a singular person, but in a good way this time) for me to actually communicate with a person, to the point that we have had a conversation and found it good.
When I sit with paper in front of me, or type at a keyboard, I feel as if I'm actually finally communicating, and being heard. Still, I am misunderstood, but there is a greater chance of understanding, communication, communion. I don't speak horribly well. And I'm not usually a forceful speaker. Many don't take me seriously; many don't listen. I am forgettable. (And I don't say this in self-pity, but mostly it is an observation. For example, I actually spoke with a woman today at Avadore's party for a bit who has spoken with me several times at the school, and we have exchanged names, but she still came up to me and asked if my children attended the school and then allowed to how it was okay if we didn't, people could bring their friends -- that was fine with her -- but...) So when I am with people whom I don't have a strong relationship with, mostly it is frustrating and doesn't go well. Still, anyone I know can misunderstand me. Perhaps this is just part of being human, and not just an aspect of being insular, sometimes by choice, sometimes by default.
I have had good friends in my life, and most of them have left. Mostly people grow up and move away, or find themselves stifled and move away. And they get new boyfriends or girlfriends or husbands or wives, and life evolves. People evolve, and some stay stagnant.
I have found some wonderful, fascinating, lovely people all over the world. Bless technology and modern transportation.
Why do none of them move to Idaho? :) We're not all potatoes and white supremacists here.
Sometimes I suspect I am deluding myself and I just need to get a t-shirt that says, "Does not play well with others."
It's a funny thing how one can find Jane Eyre and Mr. Darcy and Meg Murray O'Keefe and Dr. Jekyll and Will Halloway and Tom Joad and Sherlock Holmes and Peter Parker and Miss Havisham and Richard Mayhew and Titania and so many of you so much more real and more companionable than the real people around them.
Is this healthy?
I need a t-shirt.
Maybe I need HRT.
I have been trying to get out in social situations to meet people and enjoy their company. There are certainly options.
Still, I fear I'm a singular person.
It's the same for music. There's communion of ideas and feelings. Someone is saying something, and it impacts and influences me, sometimes very strongly. And then there's fascinating melodies and harmonies and rhythms.
I must say, by the way, that the 2006 BBC production of Jane Eyre is by far the best evah. (And looking for a good clip I see that someone seems to have put the whole thing up on YouTube... Is nothing sacred ? :)) Perhaps not the most faithful, but certainly the best. I wonder if Mr. Rochester is his open dress shirt beating on his burning bed with Jane in her nightdress at his side will now replace the picture of the drenched Mr. Darcy running into a Elizabeth Bennett at Pemberley in the female imagination ;).
Or should I say does Toby Stephens have a chance against Colin Firth?
Feel free to discuss.
And yes, the NaNo is going well.
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