The birds wake me every morning. I hear them before I hear my alarm. The sun filters through my window, and I know it's time to get up and try it again.

I'm up in the mountains, surrounded by redwoods and Camellias. The ocean is perhaps a thirty minute drive from here. I often see deer and moles, squirrels and birds. There are other wild animals up here, surely, but I haven't seen them. Not yet.

I am beginning to get creative in my employment options. This isn't a bad thing -- it just is. Due to the economic climate, businesses have tightened up on their hiring practices. They can be more selective in who they hire, and so they are. I haven't worked professionally since 2001. This makes finding a job a challenge.

I have started doing some freelance writing work. The pay isn't great. In fact, at this point, it's negligible. However, it will help me build credits and my resume so I may pursue other options.

I apply for jobs most every day. There aren't jobs to apply for every morning, but when there are, I'm on it, customizing my resume, putting together samples and whatever else is requested in the application package. Rice's dad told me recently that in Idaho there are three-hundred applicants for every job. I can only imagine what it's like here in Northern California, in Silicon Valley.

When I'm not applying for jobs, I'm doing the freelance writing thing or putting together writing samples to get other jobs. I also write a bit of fiction almost every day, and I read a little bit.

I have an intense desire to move forward, to move on. There are a few elements that are keeping me from doing this, and that's hard. Some things are so in limbo. I'm trying to remember to take this time to just be, to work hard to get a job, and to be well. I'm trying to remember to smell the flowers.

For example, yesterday morning, my CW classmate and friend, Chris, said, "Let's make pancakes for breakfast and watch the pancake episode of Star Trek." So we did -- we made pancakes with apple and creme fraiche topping, and watched the episode of Star Trek where the flat alien beings attack Kirk's brother's family and Spock, and Bones causes Spock to be temporarily blinded. We laughed, we ate, and then it was time to work.

It occurred to me more than once that Avadore and Fox would have loved to have been there -- to eat pancakes, which they love, and watch Star Trek.

But there is time, I remind myself again. And all I can do is work to get a job so I can make a new home, for them and for me.