I spent all day today sitting in a hospital waiting room. Maybe this is partly why I feel the way I do right now, and maybe not. Anyways… some things I want to reel off.

We all get born, we all experience some kind of life, we all take a crap or a piss on occasion, and then we all die. In this shared process, we all find moments of joy to cherish in the heart forever, and we all unfortunately suffer in our own private hells – some of us maybe more than others. We are each more complicated and yet at the same time more simple than we ever often think. And in the most fundamental things (birth, death, eating cookies) we’re all exactly the same.

Clint Eastwood said that a man’s gotta know his limitations. Do you ever feel like you’ve given everything, your absolute best shot, every drop of effort and yearning inside, and it’s still not enough? Well, that’s pretty much what I’m feeling right now. Sometimes I feel like the only sane man in an asylum. Then I feel like Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. This, in turn, leads to where I’m teetering on the brink of Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

I can’t let that happen, of course. Too much passion can be a bad thing when the thunderous river can’t flow to its natural destination. I’m just flooding myself, bathed in my own sweat and need. I’ve got to cool down before I set my own bed sheets afire. I’m consumed by the idea that most of my efforts don’t have the slightest intended impact. I feel helpless, floundering in my black dungeon again. I’ll never turn my back, not this time, not ever, but I think it may be time to try a different tack because this is killing me.

So… shifting into neutral for a little while; easing off the pressure and coasting until I see another reason to press the accelerator. In fact, maybe even a pit stop is in order. I need to construct a spell book and imbue a pen with the right magic. So for now it’s time to hold back, to breathe, to wait, to let the multiverse listen to me and then steadily unravel its plan.

Look into my eyes, as the hypnotist said. I know that you want to.

And listen.

A time…

A time will come.