My church has asked me to be an elder and I'm not sure what I'll do about it. I think the biggest problem for me is that if I am going to do it, I'll have to do it in a deeply honest way, but being deeply honest at church would involve a lot of pain for me, a lot of grief, that I'm not sure I want to deal with. I imagine, at this church, that I would be welcomed for being honest, but its more the internal reckoning that I'm not sure I'm ready for.

I'm not sure what all is going on inside, except that I tend to feel claustrophobic in church meetings, especially ones where I feel I might need to say what I think.