nanstress

Columbia Bound

journalscape@zoobunny.com — Sun, 3 Oct 04 15:43:00 UT

Dear Isabella,

These last 4 months have been very emotionally exhausting. Just a lot of waiting and wondering and hoping and praying. Our trip to Florida was great. We didn't get to spend a lot of time with Grandma, but that's okay. We knew this really wasn't a trip to "visit", but to get stuff done with Apex Radiology. They are just about the nicest, laid back, real people I've ever met. They really welcomed us and took care of us and it was great hanging out with the President of Apex, Wade Rome. Turns out he is a 3 year running world champion in Brazilian jiujitsu. You can tell by looking at him that he's a fighter of some sort, but you'd never know by talking to him. He's pretty amazing. He even has his M.D., but decided not to be a doctor. He also is giving me a G4 and an SGI flat panel monitor (maybe 2), because he had a bunch to spare (!!!). We are really excited about working with him and this company.

So now, we are in the process of trying to book a trip to Columbia so we can look around for a rental. Then we have to pack and be ready to go by the 1st week of November. Wow, things sure move fast. I'm just so tired right now and feel overwhelmed. Excited, but overwhelmed. I really just need to sleep for about 2 days, then I think I would be ready to go. I just feel so exhausted.

All the properties on the lot where we live have sold, and the new owner is still renting everything, but he is going to be raising the rent every month until they hit market level. The previous owner was renting for very little, but since he died, it's all been a new game. This is what all of us tenants have been waiting for all year, and I guess the timing is perfect, since we're outta here! ::Phew:: I just feel really bad for the other tenants. They were paying very little, and now their sweet deal is done.

Hollywood Bowl of Fun!

journalscape@zoobunny.com — Wed, 22 Sep 04 11:51:00 UT

Dear Isabella,

We went to the Hollywood Bowl last night to listen to the Lord of the Rings symphony. Your Titi Maritza got us these tickets for our 2nd Anniversary present. We had such a wonderful time. The box seats were amazing and we brought great food and wine and the weather was perfect. The music was incredible. Made us want to race home and watch all 3 movies again. I had a really hard time leaving you though. I still feel guilty when I leave you...I guess I just worry you'll be unhappy. Apparently, you had a great time with Grandpa Howard and Grandma Hope though. I heard you tried to eat the cat food. Hrmm...

Madness!

journalscape@zoobunny.com — Wed, 22 Sep 04 11:25:00 UT

Dear Isabella,

My goodness; when it rains, it pours! First, we have no interviews or any interest for almost two months, then BAM! First Scott interviews at UCLA...he made the top 20 or 200 applicants. That sounds pretty good. Then Scott gets called by a company in San Francisco called Cloud Mark. They do anti-spam software. They were founded by one of his friends on IRC. Lots of really smart people there. They offer him the opportunity to work remotely from home. W00t. They fly him up there to interview and that goes very well. Then Scott hears from a start-up in Pasadena that is very interested. Hmmm...nice and close. Scott's friend from Cloud Mark in SF contacts Scott and asks what they would have to do to have us up in SF. Um...we don't really want to move to SF, but if they're willing to pay and move us, we'll surely consider it. Then UCLA calls and says Scott is in the top 3 and they want another interview. Wow. So many choices. What would be the ultimate would be for Cloud Mark to okay the telecommuting and let us move to Joplin. We want to move there and live cheaply so we can pay off our debt and get a house. There is really no use in us trying to buy something here in Cali. Just ridiculous home prices and what do you get? Not a whole lot. I think (and I had been of the same mind for a long time) that L.A. is the place to be. Why? Sure, it's culturally diverse. They weather is fantastic. There's lots to do. The mountains. The beach. I can go on and on about the pros of living in Cali. You know what? I think that there are things that are more important. Family is far more important. Now that my mom has moved away, and friends have moved away (both physically and emotionally), I find that there are compromises to be made. We are no closer to our goal of paying off debt and getting a house in a nice area and being near family where we are now. We have no real savings, and if we did, to use it to buy a condo or a town home for over $300,000 just seems irresponsible. The last thing we want to do is be married to a mortgage, and that's exactly what we would be if we try to stay here and buy a home. So, our goal is to move to Joplin...a great halfway point between my family, and be close to Scott's family. The problem is, we have not found squat in Joplin/Springfield area. So, I had pretty much given up on the prospect of moving out there for a while. Until...

Scott got an e-mail from the CEO of this company called Apex Radiology. They are a company that does mobile radiology services (X-rays, MRIs, PET scans, CAT scans, etc.) for patients that can't leave their homes for whatever reason or live in rural areas, far from hospitals. They are based in Coral Springs, Florida, but they're moving their operations to Columbia, Missouri. They need someone like Scott to build them a new Data Center in Columbia. The guy talked to Scott for a few hours on the phone and it looks like such an amazing opportunity for us. The company will pay Scott a California salary and will cover all of our relocation costs. They are flying us out to Florida on Sept. 27 to meet them. They are located 10 minutes away from my Mom, so we're staying with her for a few days. Now, we've been praying that an opportunity would present itself so we could move to Joplin, and this is just a few hours away. I had pretty much given up hope that we'd be able to move to Joplin any time soon. The weird thing is that Scott never applied for this job. The CEO of this company was looking at someone elses resume, came across a term or something that he didn't understand, so he went on Google to do a search on that term and Scott's resume came up. He looked it over and saw that Scott was from Joplin, so he figured he'd just send an e-mail to see what his interest level was. Isn't that crazy??? That just doesn't happen. So we're feeling pretty good about this opportunity, and we're happy to check it out. Plus, free trip to see my Mom. Cool, huh?? We just pray that we are making the right decision. However, so far, from talking to the CEO and his assistant in the last couple days, we feel more and more confident.

For whoever is reading this, check out their website: Apex Radiology and this cool profile about them on Apple.com: Science Profile.

We feel that this is truly God sent. It's too weird to be otherwise. So much has happened since last Thursday, that we've been walking around like zombies. Today, the Pasadena company offered Scott a position, and Scott told them about the possibility of moving to MO. They guy was very understanding and said that if that opportunity should fall through, to give them a holler, since he believed the offer would still stand. Wow. Today, Scott is having his 3rd interview with UCLA. And he just got a call from a recruiter for an interview with the Getty. MADNESS!!!

And we're off like a herd of turtles...

journalscape@zoobunny.com — Wed, 8 Sep 04 19:52:00 UT

Dear Isabella,

Your Grandparents from Missouri just left today after staying with us for a week. It was a lot of fun. Mostly, you had a great time with Grandpa Neil especially. In fact, I think he tried to sneak you off in his suitcase this morning. :-P It was a pretty relaxing time, and we went to the Getty and the Museum of the American West. We went swimming at Titi Maritza's house and ate a lot of really good food. It was a vacation for us too, since it took our minds off our financial woes. The only bad thing was that your Grandma tripped at Maritza's house and cut her hand open. Since it was Labor Day, she spent about 6 hours in the Thousand Oaks emergency room for a measly 3 stitches. I'm beginning to think it's going to be tradition for Grandma to get hurt or really sick every time she comes out here. On the upside, Daddy has an interview in San Francisco on Friday and an interview at UCLA on Monday. Also, it looks like two swimming pool deals went through so that will translate into some ca$h. You have cut a couple more teeth (some first-year molars) and still talk incessantly. However, I still don't know what you're saying. Although you did say "hi" to me and Grandma yesterday. I'm a little sad that you seem more like a little girl than a baby anymore. It's so fun to watch you grow, but it seems to be going so darn fast. I think that's why people buy those miniature dogs that fit in a tea cup. Cuz puppies grow into dogs and they're not as cute anymore. I'm so glad I get to spend all this time with you...I can't imagine missing this and it would totally suck not to see all of your firsts. You have taught me more than I can explain about life and love. I hope you get to experience this too.

Love,

Mama

Um, can I get off this ride??

journalscape@zoobunny.com — Fri, 13 Aug 04 21:52:00 UT

Dear Isabella,

I'm not in a good mood. We got another "We went with a different candidate" e-mail from another company. I'm beginning to think that maybe we _should_ start that alpaca farm we keep talking about. :-P Although watching the opening ceremonies to the 2004 Olympic Summer Games is helping, and a long walk to the store and back has got me nice and loose. Hrm...that wasn't really a sentence, was it? I have been bad about journaling (as per usual), and a lot of stuff has been happening. I'm not really in the mood to go into everything in detail (it's a miracle I'm writing at all) so in the illustrious words of Inigo Montoya, "let me sum up."

- In May we (you and me, not Daddy) went to visit Grandma Ruth at her now house in Ft. Lauderdale. We went with Titi Maritza and Uncle Brian and cousins Eric and Allie. It was fun, bloody humid and really nice to see my Mommy.

- Scott was let go again from the strange job he had for two weeks. It was a relief, since we found out stuff that we should have asked about before Scott got hired. It just was not a match at all.

- In June, you turned 1! We had a great party for you even though you were overwhelmed by all the people, you didn't nap at all before hand, and you were obviously tired. I didn't get many "smily" pictures from you, but you didn't cry at all the whole time. Everyone participated in the Luau theme and it was a lot of fun.

- July - You had been walking between me and Daddy for a while, but you really took off by the end of the month. Scott started working for our friend Jason's parents' company Hippo Pools. I redid the website Jason did and will be working with him to fix up his logo, update the site and work on marketing materials. So far we haven't seen any money from the work we've done, but the whole process of pool sales and installations can take a while. Scott and Jason should be installing some waterfalls soon, so that should generate some money. It has been fun doing web design stuff again...it's amazing how much you lose by not doing.

- So it's August. Charlotte came with her mum and Braeden for their SRF Convocation thing at the Bonaventure. You and Braeden were funny together at first. If one of you started crying, then the other would cry louder then the other would cry even louder then you both would be screaming. It was kinda funny, actually. :-) We're still working on Hippo Pools stuff, and still no money. :-( Commissions won't come in for another month probably, which will be quite nice. In the mean time, we are sooooooooooo broke. Not sure how we're going to make rent next month, but I have faith (strugglingly clinging to shreds of hope) that all will be okay. ::sigh:: It also seems that we won't have to move from this place. The guy who's buying the properties we live in (5 houses including the big white house) needs to keep renting these houses to help pay the mortgage. I don't have all the particulars, and I'm hoping this guy doesn't try to raise the rent. Well, we'll have to wait and see. In the meantime, I hope Scott gets a regular job soon. We both love having Daddy home, though.

Whoa...I just noticed the counter on my journal. Last time I was on it was around 900 - now it's over 2000??? Who's been reading this I wonder? I only know a few people who might read this. Must be a glitch...I can't imagine how I could be so popular.

Bella, you still only have 7 teeth. You've been acting like you're teething since, well, forever, but nothing new yet. You talk a lot. I don't know what you're saying, but you sure have a lot to say. You LOVE Veggie Tales and Baby Einstein videos, and when we sing Laurie Berkner songs to you.

Ugh...I'm tired and grumpy still. This is a lame entry, but eh, it's something. Love ya!

Hrm...not on the ball

journalscape@zoobunny.com — Tue, 25 May 04 14:42:00 UT

Dear Isabella,

Well, I never professed to being a great journaler (sp?). I said I would elaborate on all the things that had happened last month, and I haven't. Now I just don't feel like it, but I feel like I owe you some elaboration, so here is the short of it:

Mom (your Grandma Ruth) moved:
My mom moved to Ft. Lauderdale after some painstaking searching in L.A. and Ventura counties for a home that my sister could afford to buy her. Alas, California totally sucks for buying a home. Prices are absolutely outrageous and well, that's why we will move as soon as the time is right. She finally cut her apron strings and Carmelo has his own apartment (which I had to find for him). Mom is so happy now, but she misses us terribly. We are going to visit her as soon as we can and as often as we can.

We drove to Joplin, MO.:
Yes, we drove to Joplin and took Roger with us. We had a blast and most of the "sight seeing" we did was for Roger's benefit. He is a history buff, so he wanted to see Civil War battle grounds (which we did in Carthage and Springfield). He also really wanted to go to Dodge City in Kansas, or Tombstone in Arizona. I told him he had to pick one, and he chose Dodge. Bad Idea Jeans! We were less than a mile away from a huge cattle feed lot that had about 25000 head of cattle. There are no words to describe the...ahem...aroma. You know what? Aroma is too sweet a word; it was a nasty-ass stank! The museum at Boot Hill cost too much and didn't open until too late, so we got the Hell outta there. It was just fun to say that and really mean it. ;-) By the way, you are an excellent traveller and we had a lot of fun with you.

Scott got laid off:
Yes, 4 days after we got back from vacation, Daddy got laid off. It's okay though, because it only took 3 weeks for Daddy to start at a new job which he's liking quite a bit so far.

I got to visit Charlotte:
We finally, after 3 attempts, got to go to Olympia to visit Charlotte and meet Braeden. He is so darned cute and you and he got along really well. We have some great pictures of you guys playing in the wading pool, playing in Jello, and riding in a swing together. Charlotte is hopefully coming out to visit in a few months too, so that should be really nice.

So, this is what you've been doing the last month:
- You are cruising the furniture and getting into everything.
- You like to be in the pool and splash around like crazy.
- You love bananas but don't like other textured food. I'm introducing foods you can mash and chew and you tend to spit it out if it's not mushy. You're getting better about that though.
- You want to walk, but still not confident in your balance.
- You love to play in the grass and explore.
- You love to go on the swings and you even say "wee."
- You say "hi" and "bye" - sorta. You tend to wait until someone has left before you wave good-bye.
- You say "all done" when you finish food or your bottle. This hasn't been consistent, but you definitely understand. You even do the hand swiping thing that I do when you're all done.
- You've learned what "no" means and you shake your head when you know you're doing something wrong. You also say "no no nooooo."
- You still only have 6 teeth, but it's obvious you're teething.
- You pretend to talk on the phone when we give you a "play" phone.
- You dance and bounce when you hear music.
- You love your Baby Einstein-Baby Mozart and Veggie Tales Silly Songs DVD's a lot.
- You also like to watch Blue's Clues, Dora the Explorer and The Wiggles.

I'm getting ready for your 1st birthday party which is in less than 3 weeks. I can't believe it's been a year already! You have grown so much and I love you so much. You are truly amazing and your Daddy and I can't imagine life without you.

~ Mama ~

Oh, the Rollercoaster of Life!

journalscape@zoobunny.com — Sun, 25 Apr 04 13:37:00 UT

Dear Isabella,

Well, I hoped for a solid year of no major upheavals or life changes, but that would be boring, right??? There is a lot I would like to write, but I think I'll sum things up and just write about them later.

- We went on vacation to Joplin last week. Scott, you, me and Roger drove on Route 66 to Joplin, MO. We took a ton of pictures and had a great time, but not a relaxing time. Fun as heck, but tiring. You were absolutely awesome! You sat in your car seat for HOURS and only cried once. You are teething still, and had cut a new tooth (top left of incisors), and we're still waiting for the others to pop through. Yes, you were cranky when we were in Joplin, but understandably. Getting new teeth hurts like a mug. More on our trip later.
- While we were on vacation, your Grandma Ruth (my mommy) moved to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. It was time for her to go, but I really wish we could have found something for her here. Anyway, she's extremely happy.
- Uncle Carl moved into his apartment without much effort from me. I was worried that I'd have to do a bunch of stuff to get his butt in gear to move, but he's stepping up to the plate.
- The big upheaval...4 days after we get home from vacation (April 23), your Dad gets laid-off. ::sigh:: For some reason I'm not freaking out. Well, a little, but usually when stuff like this happens, I'm out of my mind with worry. Not this time. I don't know where this calm is coming from, but it's comforting. We are spending this weekend getting your Daddy's resume ready for the hunt. I hope things work out sooner rather than at the last minute like everytime before. I think God is trying to tell us something. More on that later.

You're crawling all over the place and getting into mischief...this house is not baby-proofed nearly enough. You are so inquisitive and definitely know when you're not supposed to be playing with something...but you do it anyway. Little stinker!!! I love you so much, it hurts. We're going to see Charlotte (4th try is a charm) this week, so that's something wonderful and pleasing after this new development.

Um, that's all I feel like writing right now since I'm trying to fight a cold. I need a nap. Love you!

Quick update

journalscape@zoobunny.com — Sat, 20 Mar 04 09:39:00 UT

Dear Isabella,

Just want to write this down before I forget.

What you're doing now:
- You say "mama" and "dada" (actually, you usually say "a-da" for Daddy. You also say "hi."
-You get so excited when you see Daddy. You squeal and try to hide cuz you know he's gonna come "get" you. Pretty much when you see Daddy, you know it's playtime.
- You cut your two top teeth on March 13. You're still in pain though. :-/
- At your 9 month check-up on March 16, you were 21 1/2 pounds and 30 (!) inches long. Apparently you're off the charts for height.
- You have started crawling a bit, but mostly you still just like to roll around to get where you want to go.

I don't have the gall...

journalscape@zoobunny.com — Mon, 8 Mar 04 11:49:00 UT

Dear Isabella,

Last Friday I had my gallbladder removed. It was actually a very pleasant experiences as far as out-patient surgery goes. I was wheeled into surgery at 8:30am and was home by noon. I have four new little incisions on my abdomen: one at my belly-button, two on the right side of my body and one more just below my sternum in the middle of my belly. They didn't even need stitches! Just glued my shut. I'm still having some pain and soreness, but nothing worth keeping me in bed. I'm just hoping I can get back to my workout soon. Lost three pounds since I started and want to keep that up.

I had my 34th birthday on Sunday. Nothing spectacular..just the usual suspects. I was pretty tired and achy, so I was glad it wasn't a soiree. I got some great gifts and I also got myself a new digital camera. It's 5MP and it also takes video with audio...so damn cool! I have been taking short videos of you that will be up on your website soon. It's hard to believe that it's possible for you to get any cuter, but you keep doing it!

What you're doing now:
- You cut your second bottom incisor on February 26, 2004.
- You like to lay on your back and use your feet to scoot backwards.
- You know who "mommy" and "daddy" are. Also, "kitty", "ball", "giraffe", "bottle", "open up", "all done" and "clap your hands".
- You haven't really called either one of us by name, but you have copied us when we say "dada" or "mama".
- You know how to push yourself up to sitting from laying on your tummy.
- You love to stand and walk while holding someone's hands, but not quite holding onto furniture to cruise.
- You're still happy 99% of the time.
- You like to eat cheerios and pieces of chicken.

That's all for now baby...I'm hoping to finally get to go to Washington in a few weeks to see Char and Braeden.

Love!

New cars; new scars

journalscape@zoobunny.com — Tue, 10 Feb 04 10:32:00 UT

Dear Isabella,

Hey baby. We've had a few new developments in the last few weeks. We traded in my Corolla and got a 2003 Dodge Grand Caravan. We've been wanting to get a van and got a really great deal on this one. It's so cool! Now we're going to drive to Joplin this April and we're bringing Uncle Roger with us! It's going to be such a fun road trip. :-)

On the flip side, I had to go to the emergency room on Saturday with an apparent gallbladder attack. I thought they would find an ulcer, but no, they found gallstones. So I have to have surgery now to get my gallbladder removed. Bleah. Not a big deal, but that means I have to postpone, yet again, my trip to Washington. I hated having to tell Charlotte (on her birthday, no less) that I have to cancel my trip this week. I'm waiting to hear from the doctor to get my surgery referral through so we can get this ball rolling. Now I'm on a bland food diet, which means mostly jello, "white" food (white bread, potatoes, rice), and anything else that is easily digestible. I can't have any fat or spices. Boooooring, but I'll do anything to avoid another attack. It's messing with my new diet. Yes, daddy and I are on a new diet. We decided that eating more sensibly more often is the key, along with exercise and plenty of water. We call it the Hobbit Diet. It's based on eating 6 or so small meals throughout the day to get our metabolism going. Also, some of the "meals" are more like snacks like yogurt or a fruit cup or cottage cheese. So, we have Breakfast, Second Breakfast, Elevensies, Luncheon, Afternoon Tea, Dinner and Supper. It's working for us, thought it's a bit harder for daddy at work, but he's getting better.

Feeling oogy...gonna rest now. :-*

Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer

journalscape@zoobunny.com — Wed, 4 Feb 04 14:25:00 UT

Dear Isabella,

I took one of those silly internet tests that's supposed to tell me what my personality is like. These are fun, usually...just never a good idea to take any of this stuff seriously.

OkCupid Test Results

The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth

CONSIDER: The Loverboy

Well, okay. Don't know about the female friends thing...don't really many female friends at all. The ones that I do have live far away or we don't talk much. Oh well.

Let's go for a walk!!

What you are doing

journalscape@zoobunny.com — Wed, 28 Jan 04 10:24:00 UT

Dear Isabella,

I wanted to write this down because I always forget to put anything in your 1st year calendar. I'm having a lot of trouble being organized and remembering things and getting focused. I've always suspected adult ADD, but hey, whatever. Anyway, what you are doing now at 7 1/2 months:

- You are sitting on your own very well.
- You roll from your back to your tummy, but you like sitting more than rolling.
- You roll from your tummy to your back. Again, you get frustrated being on your tummy. You do not crawl yet, but you may never crawl. Apparently that's not a milestone like rolling, sitting and standing/cruising and walking. Some babies totally skip crawling, so I'm not concerned.
- You really like to stand and have been standing really well while we hold you for a while now. You started liking to stand at 2 months. You haven't figured out that you can hold onto something to stand and cruise. That's a blessing since I haven't really baby-proofed yet.
- You are very vocal and say "mama-mama-mama" and "babababa" and "dadadada". Haven't figured out "mama" and "dada" yet.
- You drool like crazy! Yes, you're teething (since months!) so it's understandable.
- You have one tooth on the bottom that has cut through and another one on the way.
- You still smile all the time, except when you're in pain.
- You nap really well and when you're tired, you hardly fight at all when we put you in your crib.
- You are very curious about things and like to look in our mouths and touch our teeth and tongues. Are you going to be a dentist?
- You really like strings, ribbons, shoelaces, etc.
- You love to growl at your toys. Sometimes you growl just for the heck of it.
- You love the cat and go nuts everytime she walks by or when you can see her grooming herself.
- You like to watch: Blues Clues, Veggie Tales, Dora the Explorer, Little Bill, Rubberdubbers, Spongebob Squarepants, Trading Spaces. In fact, when you hear the Trading Spaces theme during the show, you turn to watch the TV and get really excited.
- You're getting more wary of strangers and take longer to warm up to people than before.
- You get very happy when you see me or your daddy, and get upset when we leave the room sometimes.
- You love to watch people talk and stop everything and stare at whoever is talking.

I'm sure I'm forgetting things, but I covered most of it.

Remember the tooth!!!

journalscape@zoobunny.com — Sat, 24 Jan 04 14:36:00 UT

Dear Isabella,

You have been so out of sorts and clingy and grumpy the last week. I know you got this cold/flu thing we had and that was a factor. But this whole week you just seemed so clingy and unhappy. I was going nuts and feeling crappy because I feel like I should somehow automatically know what is ailing you. DER! Well, it's so hard being a mommy. So I was taking it very hard and personally that you were not feeling great and I couldn't fix it. I know, "Me, me, me!" Well, yesterday you were back to your old self. Just so happy and cheerful and loud and funny like you usually are. In fact, you were so hyper that you couldn't hardly go to sleep at your bedtime. After letting you stay up longer while you played and growled at your shoe (you really like growling for some reason...very funny), we put you back to bed. Daddy came to me and said he found something sharp on your lower gums!!! A tooth!!! So that's why you were so grumpy and out of sorts all week? Why didn't that occur to me? You have been teething since 2 months, so I just didn't put your symptoms together. DER!!! I'm so happy you're feeling better and so excited about your tooth!! I love you. :-)

What's...journals...precious...

journalscape@zoobunny.com — Sat, 24 Jan 04 14:27:00 UT

I've been struggling with this whole journaling thing for some time now. I like the idea of keeping a journal, but I'm not very motivated to write everyday. I am particularly wary of this whole public journal thing. When I have public entries, I feel like I'm writing to an audience, which doesn't feel quite right to me. However, if I keep my entries private, I feel like I'm being secretive. ::sigh:: I leave it open for people to comment if they want to, but no one ever does. If I remove the ability to comment, I think, "What if someone had a comment for me?" It just doesn't feel like it's working for me. Oh, and the whole counter for how many times my journal has been viewed just throws me off. Kenny, is there a way to have that removed? Like an option to have a counter on the journal or not? Guess I should write you personally, huh? Anyway, I still want to keep my journal, and what I've resolved to do is keep it for my daughter. I feel that if I write this to Isabella, it'll mean more to me and hopefully to her if she gets to read it. So, from now on I will be writing to her. I will keep the journal open to comments because who knows, someone might actually have a comment! I dunno, maybe I'll change my mind. I do that a lot. :-D

I'm alive...barely

journalscape@zoobunny.com — Mon, 12 Jan 04 16:41:00 UT

Let me go back to December 31, 2003. Scott's parents arrived from Joplin, MO to spend a lovely week with us. Mainly, they wanted to see the Rose Parade and see the baby. We did see the Rose Parade from a primo spot inside the Paseo Colorado (thanks Roger!) and had a blast. My favorite part was watching the B2 bomber and 2 F117As fly over us. I have a thing for jets. Scott's mom was unfortunately sick with this nasty cold/flu that's been going around, but we all hoped we'd not get it. Pshhhh. She got a nasty ear infection on top of everything and we almost had to take her to the hospital on Saturday. I discovered her calling for help, just staring up from the bed after throwing up saying she couldn't move because she was so dizzy. It was a truly scary moment. The worse part was that she didn't have insurance, so we were in somewhat of a quandry as to what we should do. We managed to get her up and after a while she stabilized and started feeling better. By Sunday, Scott and I started to get a sore throat and started feeling crappy as well. Since then we've started to feel better, then worse then better, then worse. As of today, I still feel really crappy, but Scott seems to be feeling much better. Isabella seems to be immune to whatever we have, as she's just a little stuffy, but other than that she's just as happy and as loud as can be. God, I love her! Now if this nasty headache and cough would go away. ::moan::