the strange planet inside my head
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lurking metaphors
i have come to believe that happiness is not a constant state... that life is about contentment with peaks of happiness. of course, with peaks there are valleys too, but i'm okay with that. you dont know you are on top unless you have also been to the bottom.
there are benefits to both top AND bottom.
snow on the ground today, very pretty and it looks like new york outside. sometimes i miss new york but most of the time i am so glad to be out of that state! i didnt realize how truly miserable i was there until i left. it was like living on a battlefield after everyone has gone home, with blood soaked dirt under your feet and your fingernails and the air saturated with uneasy ghosts. i felt like i was breathing in those ghosts with every breath i took and they were sucking the life out of me. see that field by the lake? the one i passed every day on my way to work? that was the field i ran into when he kicked me out of the car, the field where he chased me until he caught me and dragged me back to the car by the hair, kicking and punching the whole way.
and that little bowling alley there, in the ukraine part of town? that was where we had a big christmas party for work, the year he slapped me and told me not to talk to anyone he didnt know. that was before we even got inside.
yes, i'm glad i left new york. im not going to think about the other stories i could tell right now.
some stories have no end.
the snow is pretty... but cold. and until it gets really deep, some things are still poking up where you can see them. there's a metaphor lurking there somewhere.
i am so glad to be back at WHWN, and to be back among friends. isolation becomes a way of life, a habit and even though there are good reasons to be that way, i dont think they are healthy ones. i know i did some of my best writing at FTLOW, and i am hoping to get back into the groove.
sometimes i think i have something to offer others, and when i hold back it's unfair to those whom i love and those who love me. i will work on it.
there are benefits to both top AND bottom.
snow on the ground today, very pretty and it looks like new york outside. sometimes i miss new york but most of the time i am so glad to be out of that state! i didnt realize how truly miserable i was there until i left. it was like living on a battlefield after everyone has gone home, with blood soaked dirt under your feet and your fingernails and the air saturated with uneasy ghosts. i felt like i was breathing in those ghosts with every breath i took and they were sucking the life out of me. see that field by the lake? the one i passed every day on my way to work? that was the field i ran into when he kicked me out of the car, the field where he chased me until he caught me and dragged me back to the car by the hair, kicking and punching the whole way.
and that little bowling alley there, in the ukraine part of town? that was where we had a big christmas party for work, the year he slapped me and told me not to talk to anyone he didnt know. that was before we even got inside.
yes, i'm glad i left new york. im not going to think about the other stories i could tell right now.
some stories have no end.
the snow is pretty... but cold. and until it gets really deep, some things are still poking up where you can see them. there's a metaphor lurking there somewhere.
i am so glad to be back at WHWN, and to be back among friends. isolation becomes a way of life, a habit and even though there are good reasons to be that way, i dont think they are healthy ones. i know i did some of my best writing at FTLOW, and i am hoping to get back into the groove.
sometimes i think i have something to offer others, and when i hold back it's unfair to those whom i love and those who love me. i will work on it.
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