slept better last night but my dreams were all wierd and i woke up tired. i only remember them for a short while, and maybe that's best.

there's a program on tv that my mother watches, and she's got me watching it too.... called Starting Over. it's produced by the force behind The Real World and Road Rules on MTV. they have put 6 women in a house, and each one of them has goals.... some are starting new careers, one wants to get off welfare, another wants her own identity, you get the picture.

they have a life coach, makeovers, opportunites offered that most women never see and the price paid is cameras in your face every step of the way docmenting every misstep, dramatic breakthrough and arguement with each other. of course, being women in the same house there's a lot of drama.

reality? huh, yarite. i know i have a life coach in my corner and i need to find out when my makeover is scheduled, not to mention my appointment with the personal trainer and date with the spa people. but, i will say that it offers hope that you can actually change your life's circumstances, even if you dont have the arms to lean on like these women do. i would not want to sacrifice my privacy for those benefits; it seems like whoring or selling something that should not have a price tag.

then i think... dont we all whore a little? i dont mean for sex, but dont we sell pieces of ourselves for benefits? to the boss, sucking up (knowing we are sucking up), to collegues, to husbands or boyfriends and even some friends, our children ...dont we sometimes sell a piece of us that we shouldnt be selling? and the benefits? peace of mind, more pay, a day off, signs of affection.

then maybe im just rambling here.

anyway... going to do some revising and check on that appointment with the spa people. i could really use a massage. (yuk yuk)