did you ever notice that right after a peak of happiness, there's that inevitable decline into the pit of hell?

i dont think there's anything worse on this plane of reality than the belief you are alone. i dont mean alone in the physical sense, although some people cant tolerate that at all. sometimes, i like to be alone. sometimes it feels like all my nerve endings are on the surface of my skin and i NEED to be alone. other times, the need to feel another with my hands, my lips, my heart is so overwhelming i feel sick.

****

donna turned 20 yesterday, and recieved flowers, balloons, candy and a teddy bear from her father. she was flabbergasted because he has never done anything for her birthday, and she said it's sad, but i dont trust him. i dont blame her, i'm still creeped out to the max... but if they can repair their relationship, more power to them. me, i wouldnt piss on the guy if he was on fire unless i knew it would sting. (no, that's not bad, i have my reasons and they're good ones.) i have been pretty good about keeping my feelings to myself, but it sits there like a big lump of shit.

the good things today? well, the weather is awesome, nobody has died, and the house and car are as clean as i can get them. things could be worse.