scratchy throat, tingly nose.... the tingle that signals the snotty flood you just know will start any minute. i am fighting this fuckin thing tooth and nail (echinacea and goldenseal) and pushing the fluids... but its a lost battle and i know it. i dont know what's worse, feeling on the edge of getting sick for days or just getting it for real and getting over it.

small potatos, my friends, but it bears out my theory that children of your loins, no matter how old, are just freakin germ factories. i told tina she was a typhoid mary.... and she says "mom, why did you call me a typhoon mary?" and that just broke me up. i laughed so hard, and donna almost peed herself. damn, but it felt good to laugh like that.

i talked to my sister today and she's cleaning her ass off because of the pre-surgery tomorrow and surgery on tuesday... she wants to feel good enough to go with marion to see ray on saturday. they have hospice in there for him, so he's comfortable... and i hear her say they are prepared, but we both know they arent. i had to ask her for a big favor, and she came through for me, and right now i feel pretty good. i told her.... i owe you a big one and i know how much you love to hear that (LOL!) she says yep, sure do.

(it wasnt that big a favor, but it sure did help me out.)

so, things are still difficult but i feel a little bit brighter today. i second guess every decision i make, and i dwell too much on what i cant change, re-live certain scenarios that need to die a decent death, worry about people who are probably doing just fine... but hey... if i wasnt neurotic i wouldnt be me and how boring would that be?

the chinese have a saying... and it's deceptive. at first glance, you think... awww, what a nice thing to say. look at it again... "May you live in interesting times."

just think about that for another minute.

interesting: verb: excite the curiosity of; engage the interest of. be on the mind of. be of importance or consequence. arousing or holding the attention of.

yeah, i guess that's cool.