the strange planet inside my head
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Mood:
relieved and still boogery
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i believe
no cancer... THANK THE POWERS THAT BE.
omg what a long ass haul this has been... and the poor kid is hurting like hell from the surgery which ended up being a whole lot more than they told her. too much scar tissue, so they had to open her all the way up. boy, was she pissed... but they rushed the pathology through and she was clean of all "cancer critters" as she calls them. i was waiting for the other shoe to drop, but thanks thanks thanks be to the power in charge that i was wrong.
the cold has kicked me hard... i havent been sick like this in years. i want to go see her but if she caught this ... so i will wait until maybe friday, and hopefully the worst of this will have passed. i want to hug her and smooch her, then slap her for scaring the shit out of me. that's not nice for a little sister to do to a big sister.
****
i have been thinking a lot about god and religion lately, and ruminating on my own spirituality. maybe its the season... today is ash wednesday, and as a lapsed catholic it is a significant day. the catholic church seems to always be in the news lately, none of it good. i wonder what jesus would be thinking of this church right now?
in retrospect, my break with the church was no big surprise. when i converted, i was looking for something and talked myself into believing it was catholicism. i never liked the patriarchal attitude, that women were subordinate and somehow inferior. then, when i spoke to the priest in residence about the whole molestation issue, it clarified that the catholic church was not there for me and never had been. since then i have been in free fall, spiritually.
i miss the ritual, i miss the feeling that underneath it all there is a rock on which i can lean. i miss belonging to a spiritual "whole", a community. i was never comfortable with organized religion, and i dont believe i ever will be.
some things stick out in my head and heart where they feel right. i admire the man jesus, and what he accomplished. i often wonder why religion has to be so complicated; i remember from my lessons that jesus only gave us two commandments... love thy god and love thy neighbor... and we cant even get that right.
i believe love conquers all; i believe in live and let live. i believe you dont always get what you want but you get what you need and i believe in treating others the way you wish to be treated. i believe god loves everyone and no one is beyond redemption. i believe we are here to learn and teach lessons and you have to come back more than once to meet your objective...and we have met the same people in different lives...
i believe hate begets hate and what goes around comes around. i believe the one with the most toys when they dies hasnt won a fucking thing. i believe it dont mean a thing if you aint got that swing... and i believe im just rambling here so im gonna go get a cup of tea, my tissue box and my blankie and go back to bed.
: ) life is good.
omg what a long ass haul this has been... and the poor kid is hurting like hell from the surgery which ended up being a whole lot more than they told her. too much scar tissue, so they had to open her all the way up. boy, was she pissed... but they rushed the pathology through and she was clean of all "cancer critters" as she calls them. i was waiting for the other shoe to drop, but thanks thanks thanks be to the power in charge that i was wrong.
the cold has kicked me hard... i havent been sick like this in years. i want to go see her but if she caught this ... so i will wait until maybe friday, and hopefully the worst of this will have passed. i want to hug her and smooch her, then slap her for scaring the shit out of me. that's not nice for a little sister to do to a big sister.
****
i have been thinking a lot about god and religion lately, and ruminating on my own spirituality. maybe its the season... today is ash wednesday, and as a lapsed catholic it is a significant day. the catholic church seems to always be in the news lately, none of it good. i wonder what jesus would be thinking of this church right now?
in retrospect, my break with the church was no big surprise. when i converted, i was looking for something and talked myself into believing it was catholicism. i never liked the patriarchal attitude, that women were subordinate and somehow inferior. then, when i spoke to the priest in residence about the whole molestation issue, it clarified that the catholic church was not there for me and never had been. since then i have been in free fall, spiritually.
i miss the ritual, i miss the feeling that underneath it all there is a rock on which i can lean. i miss belonging to a spiritual "whole", a community. i was never comfortable with organized religion, and i dont believe i ever will be.
some things stick out in my head and heart where they feel right. i admire the man jesus, and what he accomplished. i often wonder why religion has to be so complicated; i remember from my lessons that jesus only gave us two commandments... love thy god and love thy neighbor... and we cant even get that right.
i believe love conquers all; i believe in live and let live. i believe you dont always get what you want but you get what you need and i believe in treating others the way you wish to be treated. i believe god loves everyone and no one is beyond redemption. i believe we are here to learn and teach lessons and you have to come back more than once to meet your objective...and we have met the same people in different lives...
i believe hate begets hate and what goes around comes around. i believe the one with the most toys when they dies hasnt won a fucking thing. i believe it dont mean a thing if you aint got that swing... and i believe im just rambling here so im gonna go get a cup of tea, my tissue box and my blankie and go back to bed.
: ) life is good.
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