the strange planet inside my head
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mother thyself
today is my designated writing day... either i will be writing, revising or researching, since i finished putting the top to that quilt together yesterday. (YAY!) i still have to quilt it, but the bulk of it is done and i like it. it's a patriotic quilt in muted red, white and blue... nine patch and hourglass, hard to execute but so worth it when it comes out right. i'll post a picture when it's done. so, that's a big relief, i should be able to ship that out this weekend. (fingers crossed.)
i really need to stop writing all this pulitzer prize material in my head when im in that half-asleep/half-awake zone when i go to bed. i keep a journal and pen on my night table, but im too sleepy to turn on the light and write. ive been able to do it a couple of times, and actually, it's not bad stuff. definitely something there i can work with.
i remember when i used to chat with a perfomance artist from NYC online... we used to do free associating and oh wow... i culled some excellent ideas from our sessions. the only problem with that was, the guy started to make noises about the love thing. nuh-uh, not having it. you notice i dont talk about the love thing here, and most likely you will never see it. i'm not ready to talk about love, and i have a hard time even typing the word if you want to know the truth.
moving on.
yes, i know i have issues, shup already.
just one last remark... i tried to write a romance story and killed not only the guy but also the horse he rode in on. *snortlin here* it was a funny story but just reinforced the idea i will never be a harlequin writer.
****
spoke with my little sister last night, and it looks like my youngest will be going there after she graduates to check out schools and live with them for a while. i normally dont think family living with family is such a good idea, but tina and mickie hit it off so well this past summer, and tina and alia get along like crazy, not to mention max thought tina was pretty cool too. jeff likes us all best out of the family, so as long as he's cool with it that's fine. i told mickie i really appreciated her opening her home like this for tina, and she said something that was so sweet i almost bawled. she said, "netta, you are my mother, you did so much for me when we were kids, i have no problem doing this." (she was a brat, but i love her, she was my baby.) i told her that if they run into any problems (and it can happen, i lived it) just to ship tina back to me.
it takes a lot of pressure off me.... being a single parent is so hard. i mean, i was a single parent even when i was married for all the help i got, but it helps so much to have someone else in your corner, SOMEWHERE. i can rest a little easier knowing that tina has a plan, and a place to go to where someone knows her and loves her. maybe im overprotective, but the world is a lot bigger and scarier than when i was 18. besides, she's MY baby i can be overprotective if i want to. your mother is the one person you are supposed to be able to depend on no matter what... at least in theory.
i've been a mother most of my life. i remember the last babysitter we ever had... i think i was 9. she was a mean bitch, mean in a really cruel way. my little brother got a bloody nose, and she had no idea what to do, she was freaking out. i got some ice and a wet towel and stopped the nosebleed, and thats when my mother walked in. we never had another babysitter.
sometimes i wonder how i will define myself when both the girls are gone, seeing as i have been a mother for over 35 years, but i think i have a strong enough sense of identity that although the transition might have a couple of rough spots, i'll be ok. it's kinda scary. then i think, well, i'll always be a mother, and maybe i need to start mothering myself. hmmmm. that's certainly food for thought, isnt it?
i really need to stop writing all this pulitzer prize material in my head when im in that half-asleep/half-awake zone when i go to bed. i keep a journal and pen on my night table, but im too sleepy to turn on the light and write. ive been able to do it a couple of times, and actually, it's not bad stuff. definitely something there i can work with.
i remember when i used to chat with a perfomance artist from NYC online... we used to do free associating and oh wow... i culled some excellent ideas from our sessions. the only problem with that was, the guy started to make noises about the love thing. nuh-uh, not having it. you notice i dont talk about the love thing here, and most likely you will never see it. i'm not ready to talk about love, and i have a hard time even typing the word if you want to know the truth.
moving on.
yes, i know i have issues, shup already.
just one last remark... i tried to write a romance story and killed not only the guy but also the horse he rode in on. *snortlin here* it was a funny story but just reinforced the idea i will never be a harlequin writer.
****
spoke with my little sister last night, and it looks like my youngest will be going there after she graduates to check out schools and live with them for a while. i normally dont think family living with family is such a good idea, but tina and mickie hit it off so well this past summer, and tina and alia get along like crazy, not to mention max thought tina was pretty cool too. jeff likes us all best out of the family, so as long as he's cool with it that's fine. i told mickie i really appreciated her opening her home like this for tina, and she said something that was so sweet i almost bawled. she said, "netta, you are my mother, you did so much for me when we were kids, i have no problem doing this." (she was a brat, but i love her, she was my baby.) i told her that if they run into any problems (and it can happen, i lived it) just to ship tina back to me.
it takes a lot of pressure off me.... being a single parent is so hard. i mean, i was a single parent even when i was married for all the help i got, but it helps so much to have someone else in your corner, SOMEWHERE. i can rest a little easier knowing that tina has a plan, and a place to go to where someone knows her and loves her. maybe im overprotective, but the world is a lot bigger and scarier than when i was 18. besides, she's MY baby i can be overprotective if i want to. your mother is the one person you are supposed to be able to depend on no matter what... at least in theory.
i've been a mother most of my life. i remember the last babysitter we ever had... i think i was 9. she was a mean bitch, mean in a really cruel way. my little brother got a bloody nose, and she had no idea what to do, she was freaking out. i got some ice and a wet towel and stopped the nosebleed, and thats when my mother walked in. we never had another babysitter.
sometimes i wonder how i will define myself when both the girls are gone, seeing as i have been a mother for over 35 years, but i think i have a strong enough sense of identity that although the transition might have a couple of rough spots, i'll be ok. it's kinda scary. then i think, well, i'll always be a mother, and maybe i need to start mothering myself. hmmmm. that's certainly food for thought, isnt it?
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