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Love and Cousin Lust
love is in the air. i mean, it's EVERYWHERE. i dont know if its the time of the year, or something in the water but its enough to make a person pretty damned nervous.
its not that i dont like love, or that i dont get along with love; its not that ive never been in it or am not in it now. it just means that love and i.... we have a difficult relationship. i dont really understand it, and i resent the way it plays with me. i am love-retarded.
not to say that i dont love... i do. but im not sure of its parameters, its expectations and what its logical conclusion is. what are the limits? are there limits? if you love one person, is it impossible to love another? can you love more than one, two, three people? does everyone love the same way? how many ways are there to love? how far does it go? are there any boundaries, and if not, do you eventually fall off the other edge? and there IS an edge to love, make no mistake about it.
then there's Cousin Lust. why are the two confused so often? what part do genitals play in the love game? should genitals have a part? if genitals dont come into play at all (please pardon the terrible puns) is it still truly love? can love exist without Cousin Lust?
i have no answers and nothing but questions, just like everyone else, i assume. love can really tear your ass up, and when you least expect it, it will sneak up behind you and smack you over the head with all the subtlety of the meeting of a brick and an egg. i think one of the scariest things about love is the level of vulnerability. people dont like to be so open... in order for a relationship to work, you have to trust your partner to the point you can lay everything out there with the confidence they will not hurt you. when you have been hurt in the past, its diffucult to reach that level of trust, and i believe a relationship just cant work any other way.
but, what the hell do i know... my love IQ is at the moron level. i just hang on and do the best i can, love the hardest i can and break out in hives everytime i see the word.
****
busy day today.... i have GOT to finish that quilt, and i need to buckle down and get these words that are brimming into my brain on paper. i thought a lot about how to approach Dreamcatcher... and i think i have the POV i want to use... i'll see how it works out. i just feel so lost and ignorant, trying to write a novel when i have never taken a writing course, have no degree and 9 little college credits. i just dont know how to get my mouth around this sandwich to take a bite, and i worry if i ever do find a way to bite, it will be more than i can chew.
*sigh*.
nothing ventured, nothing gained and i am going to try my hardest to put a gag in that inner critic's mouth and carry on.
i love the mornings when the day is fresh and waiting for you to put your mark on it. make it your own... mold it into something beautiful. thats my plan for today.
: )
its not that i dont like love, or that i dont get along with love; its not that ive never been in it or am not in it now. it just means that love and i.... we have a difficult relationship. i dont really understand it, and i resent the way it plays with me. i am love-retarded.
not to say that i dont love... i do. but im not sure of its parameters, its expectations and what its logical conclusion is. what are the limits? are there limits? if you love one person, is it impossible to love another? can you love more than one, two, three people? does everyone love the same way? how many ways are there to love? how far does it go? are there any boundaries, and if not, do you eventually fall off the other edge? and there IS an edge to love, make no mistake about it.
then there's Cousin Lust. why are the two confused so often? what part do genitals play in the love game? should genitals have a part? if genitals dont come into play at all (please pardon the terrible puns) is it still truly love? can love exist without Cousin Lust?
i have no answers and nothing but questions, just like everyone else, i assume. love can really tear your ass up, and when you least expect it, it will sneak up behind you and smack you over the head with all the subtlety of the meeting of a brick and an egg. i think one of the scariest things about love is the level of vulnerability. people dont like to be so open... in order for a relationship to work, you have to trust your partner to the point you can lay everything out there with the confidence they will not hurt you. when you have been hurt in the past, its diffucult to reach that level of trust, and i believe a relationship just cant work any other way.
but, what the hell do i know... my love IQ is at the moron level. i just hang on and do the best i can, love the hardest i can and break out in hives everytime i see the word.
****
busy day today.... i have GOT to finish that quilt, and i need to buckle down and get these words that are brimming into my brain on paper. i thought a lot about how to approach Dreamcatcher... and i think i have the POV i want to use... i'll see how it works out. i just feel so lost and ignorant, trying to write a novel when i have never taken a writing course, have no degree and 9 little college credits. i just dont know how to get my mouth around this sandwich to take a bite, and i worry if i ever do find a way to bite, it will be more than i can chew.
*sigh*.
nothing ventured, nothing gained and i am going to try my hardest to put a gag in that inner critic's mouth and carry on.
i love the mornings when the day is fresh and waiting for you to put your mark on it. make it your own... mold it into something beautiful. thats my plan for today.
: )
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