the strange planet inside my head
I got my Myspace layout from pYzam.
Mood:
thinking too hard for first thing in the morning
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don't you yell at me, young lady
anger.
some emotion, isn't it?
if i have a difficult relationship with Love and Cousin Lust, i have an uneasy one with anger, also. anger is sneaky and slippery, hard to control at times and even harder to express. i wonder how much of that is gender related.
girls arent supposed to get angry, and if they do, they're not supposed to let people know they're angry. it's not polite, ladylike, or allowed. no fighting in the schoolyard, no swearing or spitting, no yelling. no wonder some women are such bitches.
they say that depression is anger turned inwards and i believe that's true, to a certain extent. anger and impotence.... anger and the inability (from either external or internal sources) to express it. makes sense, since all that has to go somewhere.
i don't have much of a temper, and when it's aroused it flashes quickly and it's over. maybe it has something to do with being a redhead; i try very hard to maintain because i'm of the opinion if you say something harsh, you can never take it back and it's never forgotten. i also learned a certain amount of control when i was married to the LFH (the Lunatic From Hell for the unitiated). i think anger can be a beneficial emotion, similar to pain. when you feel physical pain, it is your body's signal telling you something is wrong. when you feel anger, it's your way of telling yourself a situation is wrong.
the trick is to recognize it when it happens, examine it and fix it. it's hard to do when you have been taught all your life it's wrong to not only FEEL angry but to express that anger. another thing that makes it difficult is keeping control so you can use the anger to your benefit... it's such a volatile emotion and it's too easy to go with the flow and satisfy the darker side of it by lashing out and flaying the offender or an innocent bystander who happens to be in the way. in the aftermath, it's repair and patch and rebuilding, and some things can't be rebuilt.
i'm sitting here trying to figure out how do i deal with anger? the answer to this question surprises me because... i don't have an answer. sometimes i might yell a little bit (very rare) but more often i will cry. i'm not crying from weakness, but from strong emotion i don't know how to deal with.
i remember when the LFH would get angry with me and yell, (which often escalated but not always and we won't go there today, friends and neighbors) if i stood there and took it, it would make him angrier. if i cried it would make him angrier. it was a no-win situation and i think it is part of what confuses me about anger today. and of course, there was NO room to express any anger i might feel... that was a suicide mission.
to me and to this day, when there is yelling or shoutng being done, i immediately start to retreat. i will do whatever it takes to avoid a confrontation, and of course the "fight or flight" bodily reaction kicks in. i have a hard time even witnessing a shouting match between two people. i'm not used to seeing a resolution to a situation handled in this manner; all shouting matches in my experience never did end well. you get angry, people get hurt. you get angry, and people leave you.
so, i think i will add ANGER to the crop of my issues, an issue to be re-visited and re-examined... an issue to deal with and someday harvest. i don't think this one will stay in the fallow field.
some emotion, isn't it?
if i have a difficult relationship with Love and Cousin Lust, i have an uneasy one with anger, also. anger is sneaky and slippery, hard to control at times and even harder to express. i wonder how much of that is gender related.
girls arent supposed to get angry, and if they do, they're not supposed to let people know they're angry. it's not polite, ladylike, or allowed. no fighting in the schoolyard, no swearing or spitting, no yelling. no wonder some women are such bitches.
they say that depression is anger turned inwards and i believe that's true, to a certain extent. anger and impotence.... anger and the inability (from either external or internal sources) to express it. makes sense, since all that has to go somewhere.
i don't have much of a temper, and when it's aroused it flashes quickly and it's over. maybe it has something to do with being a redhead; i try very hard to maintain because i'm of the opinion if you say something harsh, you can never take it back and it's never forgotten. i also learned a certain amount of control when i was married to the LFH (the Lunatic From Hell for the unitiated). i think anger can be a beneficial emotion, similar to pain. when you feel physical pain, it is your body's signal telling you something is wrong. when you feel anger, it's your way of telling yourself a situation is wrong.
the trick is to recognize it when it happens, examine it and fix it. it's hard to do when you have been taught all your life it's wrong to not only FEEL angry but to express that anger. another thing that makes it difficult is keeping control so you can use the anger to your benefit... it's such a volatile emotion and it's too easy to go with the flow and satisfy the darker side of it by lashing out and flaying the offender or an innocent bystander who happens to be in the way. in the aftermath, it's repair and patch and rebuilding, and some things can't be rebuilt.
i'm sitting here trying to figure out how do i deal with anger? the answer to this question surprises me because... i don't have an answer. sometimes i might yell a little bit (very rare) but more often i will cry. i'm not crying from weakness, but from strong emotion i don't know how to deal with.
i remember when the LFH would get angry with me and yell, (which often escalated but not always and we won't go there today, friends and neighbors) if i stood there and took it, it would make him angrier. if i cried it would make him angrier. it was a no-win situation and i think it is part of what confuses me about anger today. and of course, there was NO room to express any anger i might feel... that was a suicide mission.
to me and to this day, when there is yelling or shoutng being done, i immediately start to retreat. i will do whatever it takes to avoid a confrontation, and of course the "fight or flight" bodily reaction kicks in. i have a hard time even witnessing a shouting match between two people. i'm not used to seeing a resolution to a situation handled in this manner; all shouting matches in my experience never did end well. you get angry, people get hurt. you get angry, and people leave you.
so, i think i will add ANGER to the crop of my issues, an issue to be re-visited and re-examined... an issue to deal with and someday harvest. i don't think this one will stay in the fallow field.
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