the strange planet inside my head
McCain/Obama Health Care Proposals Side-by-Side
Mood:
getting focussed
Read/Post Comments (3)
THE EMPIRE
Fine Websites
Fine Products By Fine People
Very Fine Publications
the learning curve
okay, feeling better about the whole new group thingy and my first love, FWBW... but perry, if you think i'm buying the bigdumbboy thing i've gotta bridge to sell you...
nope, not sending any more stuff to mom. i have finally reached my masochistic limit, at least in that department.
****
well, it's hard to admit when you're wrong, but i can't make a living from quilting and writing so i'm job hunting today. i won't put myself back in the high stress position i was in previously (rumor has it they have three people doing the job i used to do... bet that bites hehehe) so all i want is some mindless job that i can leave at the door when i come home. i will make a concious effort NOT to assume more responsibility than is offered, and while i will give it my best i won't feel bad if it ain't good enough.
well, it sounds good on paper.
i guess it's pretty sad to realize the stress of a lifetime has burned you out at the young age of 46. (it IS young, it IS !!) but then, maybe it's a good thing to come to the realization of what you can and cannot tolerate, and live your life accordingly. i've learned a lot, not the least of which is i still have a lot left TO learn.
what have i learned? i've learned that stuff is just stuff... that the more you have, the more you have to lose and the more you have to do. i've learned you can live with a lot less than you think, and it's a bitch to pack it all up and move it. i've learned that "family" doesn't necessarily mean the people you were born to, that children are smarter and more resiliant than your wildest dreams. that if you allow negative people to take advantage of you they need to be cut out like the cancer they are, and sometimes you have to be harsh to be kind to yourself.
i've learned who the people are that have my back. i have come a long way since that dark time, and the fact that i had such a dark time only makes me appreciate the light more. i've learned that i will still have dark days, but it's okay to hunker down and let them pass. i don't wake up every day and want to die anymore, that too is a good thing.
i've learned that i have value. and while i might wrestle with that sometimes, the fact is he did not kill my spirit. he bruised it and bent it, but he did not break it. even if i do nothing else in my life, that alone is worth it all.
i just read all this over, and if it was someone else that had written it i would think "wow, she's some strong chick... i would like to have her for a friend." that's pretty cool. maybe that's how i have to look at it... to be friends with myself. huh.
****
thank you, thank you , thank you saf. you have no idea how much this journaling thing has helped me and i have no words to tell you. you know how sometimes you get to a pivotal point in your life (not knowing it at the time, of course) and when you look back, one small thing changed the whole direction? this was one of them and thank you.
****
and thanks to all the pebbles in my pond... laurie, perry, saf, tuffy, zee ... today i feel like i've won the lottery.
: )
nope, not sending any more stuff to mom. i have finally reached my masochistic limit, at least in that department.
****
well, it's hard to admit when you're wrong, but i can't make a living from quilting and writing so i'm job hunting today. i won't put myself back in the high stress position i was in previously (rumor has it they have three people doing the job i used to do... bet that bites hehehe) so all i want is some mindless job that i can leave at the door when i come home. i will make a concious effort NOT to assume more responsibility than is offered, and while i will give it my best i won't feel bad if it ain't good enough.
well, it sounds good on paper.
i guess it's pretty sad to realize the stress of a lifetime has burned you out at the young age of 46. (it IS young, it IS !!) but then, maybe it's a good thing to come to the realization of what you can and cannot tolerate, and live your life accordingly. i've learned a lot, not the least of which is i still have a lot left TO learn.
what have i learned? i've learned that stuff is just stuff... that the more you have, the more you have to lose and the more you have to do. i've learned you can live with a lot less than you think, and it's a bitch to pack it all up and move it. i've learned that "family" doesn't necessarily mean the people you were born to, that children are smarter and more resiliant than your wildest dreams. that if you allow negative people to take advantage of you they need to be cut out like the cancer they are, and sometimes you have to be harsh to be kind to yourself.
i've learned who the people are that have my back. i have come a long way since that dark time, and the fact that i had such a dark time only makes me appreciate the light more. i've learned that i will still have dark days, but it's okay to hunker down and let them pass. i don't wake up every day and want to die anymore, that too is a good thing.
i've learned that i have value. and while i might wrestle with that sometimes, the fact is he did not kill my spirit. he bruised it and bent it, but he did not break it. even if i do nothing else in my life, that alone is worth it all.
i just read all this over, and if it was someone else that had written it i would think "wow, she's some strong chick... i would like to have her for a friend." that's pretty cool. maybe that's how i have to look at it... to be friends with myself. huh.
****
thank you, thank you , thank you saf. you have no idea how much this journaling thing has helped me and i have no words to tell you. you know how sometimes you get to a pivotal point in your life (not knowing it at the time, of course) and when you look back, one small thing changed the whole direction? this was one of them and thank you.
****
and thanks to all the pebbles in my pond... laurie, perry, saf, tuffy, zee ... today i feel like i've won the lottery.
: )
Read/Post Comments (3)
Previous Entry :: Next Entry
Back to Top
