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the tenth
i couldn't remember what day it was today. i wrote yesterday's date on all my paperwork.
usually, when we recieve packages from UPS or one of the other delivery people, i never sign my own name. i sign Aretha Franklin, or Beyonce Knowles, or Ertha Kitt.
today i forgot to do that and signed my own name.
no big deal, really.
****
today was a better day. there were a couple of icky parts but i only cried twice.
i told the GC last night and named the demon. (not like she didn't know.) she said mom, you have lent me your arm more times than i can count. now, here's my arm. let me carry you until you can do it yourself.
****
and i said the demon's name out loud to the knight this morning. it was hard to do. we've discussed it many times before this, because of my diagnosis. i wanted him to be prepared, hoping it was all in vain.
he stopped by tonight with dinner and chocolate. i know he doesn't really understand, i can see it, but he is worried and then i realized how many people are worried and i'm sorry. i am really, really sorry.
****
still and all, it felt better to actually say it out loud to two of the people i love the best. i don't know why it was such a relief, but it was. maybe because now i don't have to pretend everything is fine when it doesn't feel that way.
****
my loving prayers and as much good energy as i can muster to my brother and my beloved nephews. i wish ... well, i wish a lot of things.
peace, brother. do what you have to do. you are not responsible for the choices others make. your sons will always know the face of their father.
****
and thanks, mom.
you know what for.
****
in no particular order:
today i love mIRC and the chance to talk to some lovely people; i love my butter-licking bed-hogging kitty; i love the fruit of my loins; i love TSB and writing in general; i love the knight and the way he lights up the tires to make me smile; i love the pine that grows in kentucky; i love my JS friends.
****
a woman tried to scam me out of a room this morning. kicked her to the curb.
another one came to the front desk looking for some kind of break on the rate because she was here from an abusive situation.
(you know, really. does the universe do this on PURPOSE? what kind of sadistic fuck is in charge here? i want to lodge a fucking complaint, okay?? OKAY???)
*sigh*
Check out TSB for the most legal fun you can have with your clothes on.
usually, when we recieve packages from UPS or one of the other delivery people, i never sign my own name. i sign Aretha Franklin, or Beyonce Knowles, or Ertha Kitt.
today i forgot to do that and signed my own name.
no big deal, really.
****
today was a better day. there were a couple of icky parts but i only cried twice.
i told the GC last night and named the demon. (not like she didn't know.) she said mom, you have lent me your arm more times than i can count. now, here's my arm. let me carry you until you can do it yourself.
****
and i said the demon's name out loud to the knight this morning. it was hard to do. we've discussed it many times before this, because of my diagnosis. i wanted him to be prepared, hoping it was all in vain.
he stopped by tonight with dinner and chocolate. i know he doesn't really understand, i can see it, but he is worried and then i realized how many people are worried and i'm sorry. i am really, really sorry.
****
still and all, it felt better to actually say it out loud to two of the people i love the best. i don't know why it was such a relief, but it was. maybe because now i don't have to pretend everything is fine when it doesn't feel that way.
****
my loving prayers and as much good energy as i can muster to my brother and my beloved nephews. i wish ... well, i wish a lot of things.
peace, brother. do what you have to do. you are not responsible for the choices others make. your sons will always know the face of their father.
****
and thanks, mom.
you know what for.
****
in no particular order:
today i love mIRC and the chance to talk to some lovely people; i love my butter-licking bed-hogging kitty; i love the fruit of my loins; i love TSB and writing in general; i love the knight and the way he lights up the tires to make me smile; i love the pine that grows in kentucky; i love my JS friends.
****
a woman tried to scam me out of a room this morning. kicked her to the curb.
another one came to the front desk looking for some kind of break on the rate because she was here from an abusive situation.
(you know, really. does the universe do this on PURPOSE? what kind of sadistic fuck is in charge here? i want to lodge a fucking complaint, okay?? OKAY???)
*sigh*
Check out TSB for the most legal fun you can have with your clothes on.
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