the strange planet inside my head
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grok this
Don't laugh. Someday, you'll be here too, and you'll be wondering just how the fuck you got here. One minute you're nineteen and giddy about life, ten minutes and an eternity later you're staring at your fifth decade and wondering how many you have left.
It's not a comfortable thought, and it's fairly new. Oh, I've thought about Death and I've encountered Death; even brushed elbows on occasion, but we've never had a one-on-one in an up-close-and-personal way, can you dig it. For the most part, I'm fine with Death. I know it's inevitable and the natural progression, and in a way, I'm mighty curious about what happens (if not particularly in any rush to find out.) Quite frankly, I'm pretty sure Life pain outweighs Death pain.
My point? (Like I have one. You're so funny.) Hmmm. I guess it would be, I didn't spend the first fifty years of my life worrying about dying, I refuse to start now.
Yeah. Pretty much.
****
Five decades. It seems like a lot, and yet in a way, it doesn't seem like much at all. Funny how that works. I remember when I was much younger I would figure out what my age would be in the new millennium, and freaking out. I couldn't imagine being that old.
Hah.
The First Decade (0-10)
And so it begins…
Upheaval, momentous change that would affect me to this very day, and total defense. Great and terrible loss. Responsibility. Theft and abandonment. That's what I remember about the First Decade.
The Second Decade (11-20)
From bad to worse…
Awakenings, more momentous change, shields fully engaged. Confusion, freedom, loss of control. More responsibility in a houseful and still very alone. The wrong crowd, bad decisions and near-misses. Itchy feet and restless heart. Defense, but not enough and not in the right way.
Onward.
The Third Decade (21-30)
Transition Uno
More momentous change, more mistakes and more bad decisions. Wondrous and life-changing events, three of them. Marriage sows seeds of great heartbreak, sown in dark dirt, black and blue. Defense. Learning becomes a focus; survival always has been. There is no spoon.
The Fourth Decade (31-40)
Taking the Red Pill
The Black Years.
The Fifth Decade (41-50)
Transition Part Deux
Guess what? Momentous change. (Yes, I know it's hard to believe.) Change of heart, change of geography, change of mind. Scrabbling, scraping, reinventing. Reinventing again. Again. Defense. Do it again. Trimming the wick and lighting the candle.
****
And so, I've lit the candle and wait for the next decade. Momma told me the best is the fifties; I'm going to take her word for it. All I know is I feasibly have two (maybe three) decades left if I'm lucky. I'm hoping I got all the shitty stuff out of the way and while I'm satisfied with the life I've led so far, I'm hoping too, that the next two (or three) decades are a little heavier on the good stuff and lighter on the bullshit.
Just a small request.
****
And now I'm living in the past's future, let me just say I'm happy there's no Soylent Green. Do you grok?
:)
Check out TSB for the most legal fun you can have with your clothes on.
It's not a comfortable thought, and it's fairly new. Oh, I've thought about Death and I've encountered Death; even brushed elbows on occasion, but we've never had a one-on-one in an up-close-and-personal way, can you dig it. For the most part, I'm fine with Death. I know it's inevitable and the natural progression, and in a way, I'm mighty curious about what happens (if not particularly in any rush to find out.) Quite frankly, I'm pretty sure Life pain outweighs Death pain.
My point? (Like I have one. You're so funny.) Hmmm. I guess it would be, I didn't spend the first fifty years of my life worrying about dying, I refuse to start now.
Yeah. Pretty much.
****
Five decades. It seems like a lot, and yet in a way, it doesn't seem like much at all. Funny how that works. I remember when I was much younger I would figure out what my age would be in the new millennium, and freaking out. I couldn't imagine being that old.
Hah.
The First Decade (0-10)
And so it begins…
Upheaval, momentous change that would affect me to this very day, and total defense. Great and terrible loss. Responsibility. Theft and abandonment. That's what I remember about the First Decade.
The Second Decade (11-20)
From bad to worse…
Awakenings, more momentous change, shields fully engaged. Confusion, freedom, loss of control. More responsibility in a houseful and still very alone. The wrong crowd, bad decisions and near-misses. Itchy feet and restless heart. Defense, but not enough and not in the right way.
Onward.
The Third Decade (21-30)
Transition Uno
More momentous change, more mistakes and more bad decisions. Wondrous and life-changing events, three of them. Marriage sows seeds of great heartbreak, sown in dark dirt, black and blue. Defense. Learning becomes a focus; survival always has been. There is no spoon.
The Fourth Decade (31-40)
Taking the Red Pill
The Black Years.
The Fifth Decade (41-50)
Transition Part Deux
Guess what? Momentous change. (Yes, I know it's hard to believe.) Change of heart, change of geography, change of mind. Scrabbling, scraping, reinventing. Reinventing again. Again. Defense. Do it again. Trimming the wick and lighting the candle.
****
And so, I've lit the candle and wait for the next decade. Momma told me the best is the fifties; I'm going to take her word for it. All I know is I feasibly have two (maybe three) decades left if I'm lucky. I'm hoping I got all the shitty stuff out of the way and while I'm satisfied with the life I've led so far, I'm hoping too, that the next two (or three) decades are a little heavier on the good stuff and lighter on the bullshit.
Just a small request.
****
And now I'm living in the past's future, let me just say I'm happy there's no Soylent Green. Do you grok?
:)
Check out TSB for the most legal fun you can have with your clothes on.
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