the strange planet inside my head
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THE EMPIRE
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Very Fine Publications
an open letter
Dear Logistics Coordinator:
Maybe you had a bad morning. I can relate -- I've had plenty of bad mornings, and I sympathize. However, I would like to clear up a few points now that I have the floor and can finish a sentence.
1. I understand your frustration that a direct bill account was not set up for your group, but you freely admit you received the application. What happened from there is beyond my ability to control, and when I got nothing back from you I assumed you had made other payment arrangements. It's not my job to chase your ass down -- if you were that on top of things, YOU would have called ME to find out why you didn't have a PO number.
2. The Bitch in Charge of this group is probably the reason you're so cranky -- I would be too. I'm not sure what it's like on your planet, but here on the Strange Planet we don't speak to people as if they are stuck one rung behind on the Evolutionary Ladder. You might want to mention this to your Bitch.
3. I followed your (last-minute) instructions to the letter. Unfortunately, our night person (the Weird Chick) was not familiar with your group, and she was erroneous in informing the Bitch in Charge (at 2AM) that the reservations you wanted changed had in fact, not been taken care of. They certainly were taken care of, the Weird Chick was looking at the wrong date. Rest assured, everyone that needs a room has a room. Chill out. It really didn't warrant a ten minute ass eating.
If I may, I would like to make a few suggestions that might make you a little less stressed, for future reference:
- Chocolate. It's great for stress relief, and it doesn't take much. However, I think you should eat as much as you can possibly stuff in your face. Yes, it's that bad.
- Orgasms. Another great stress reliever, only in your case, I think I would recommend you try this one solo. Reason being, I'm scared you would rip off the head of your mate and eat it. Srsly.
- Enemas. It could be you're constipated, and I've found that the people who are the most cranky are usually the most full of shit. Give it a try -- couldn't hurt.
That's all. Thank you for the ass eating this morning -- it was better than a cup of coffee for getting the blood pumping. You've reminded me what a monster Corporate America can be, and this has, in turn, inspired me more than ever to get this copy thing up and running, and running fast.
Thank you. Honestly, thank you, and I hope your day gets better.
Sincerely,
The Clever Monkey
Check out TSB for the most legal fun you can have with your clothes on.
Maybe you had a bad morning. I can relate -- I've had plenty of bad mornings, and I sympathize. However, I would like to clear up a few points now that I have the floor and can finish a sentence.
1. I understand your frustration that a direct bill account was not set up for your group, but you freely admit you received the application. What happened from there is beyond my ability to control, and when I got nothing back from you I assumed you had made other payment arrangements. It's not my job to chase your ass down -- if you were that on top of things, YOU would have called ME to find out why you didn't have a PO number.
2. The Bitch in Charge of this group is probably the reason you're so cranky -- I would be too. I'm not sure what it's like on your planet, but here on the Strange Planet we don't speak to people as if they are stuck one rung behind on the Evolutionary Ladder. You might want to mention this to your Bitch.
3. I followed your (last-minute) instructions to the letter. Unfortunately, our night person (the Weird Chick) was not familiar with your group, and she was erroneous in informing the Bitch in Charge (at 2AM) that the reservations you wanted changed had in fact, not been taken care of. They certainly were taken care of, the Weird Chick was looking at the wrong date. Rest assured, everyone that needs a room has a room. Chill out. It really didn't warrant a ten minute ass eating.
If I may, I would like to make a few suggestions that might make you a little less stressed, for future reference:
- Chocolate. It's great for stress relief, and it doesn't take much. However, I think you should eat as much as you can possibly stuff in your face. Yes, it's that bad.
- Orgasms. Another great stress reliever, only in your case, I think I would recommend you try this one solo. Reason being, I'm scared you would rip off the head of your mate and eat it. Srsly.
- Enemas. It could be you're constipated, and I've found that the people who are the most cranky are usually the most full of shit. Give it a try -- couldn't hurt.
That's all. Thank you for the ass eating this morning -- it was better than a cup of coffee for getting the blood pumping. You've reminded me what a monster Corporate America can be, and this has, in turn, inspired me more than ever to get this copy thing up and running, and running fast.
Thank you. Honestly, thank you, and I hope your day gets better.
Sincerely,
The Clever Monkey
Check out TSB for the most legal fun you can have with your clothes on.
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