first of all, i'm not a dog person.

don't take that the wrong way. i don't hate dogs (like i hate the phone, f'instance) but i have only owned one dog as an adult, so my experience is admittedly limited. i love baby anythings, and this puppy is definitely a baby.

the maintenance guy originally bought puppy at a bar. he was stinking drunk and thought it was a good idea at the time. after three days, he changed his mind and Gem bought the Little Gem. he's a liver-colored shi-tzu with a black face and a curly tail. he's really adorable.

Little Gem has papers and everything, but he was barely six weeks old when he was removed from his mama. his eyes still had the blue cast of infancy. Gem and i figure the breeders needed their crack money early. he has the most lovely temperament, and is quite the snuggler.

he will pee on chucks (my suggestion) in the house, and prefers to doodoo under the table. unless i'm lucky enough on our frequent forays outside... *sigh*

Sparky, while never warming up to being actually "friendly", has actually stepped foot on the same floor as this creature and on one momentous occasion, let him sniff her tail. she has admonished him the tail is not a toy; he's not paying attention. yet.

she'll station herself on top of the couch and watch his pathetic puppy antics as he makes love to his panda, chews up an old sock, or pounces on his squeaky toy. she can't quite get a handle on 1) what he is and 2) what he finds so amusing. she waits by the door when we go out to do our business, probably worried that he's going to come back without me. THEN what?? he can't open a can!!

she tiptoes past his kennel like he's going to pounce at any second (whether he's in there or not) and steal her Kitty Soul or something. if i have the kitchen window open, she'll hang out there, gazing out at the great outdoors and dream of a world free from four-legged phucktards that don't try to play with her tail.

i know how she feels.

Little Gem is quite curious about Sparky and doesn't understand her...hostility. he explained to her he was NOT involved in keeping her species enslaved to humans, and that his remedy for the sins of humankind visited upon the Exalted Four-Legged Diezens of the Universe is to poop under the table.

works for him.

****

my whole life has shrunk to analyzing the relationship between cat and puppy and the subsequent potty habits.

i'm not sure how to feel about this.

as a matter of fact, i'm not real sure how to feel about anything, right now. i'm still trying to get my bearings. i've changed homes and lost a job -- i'm still processing and i'm trying to be as patient with myself as i would be with someone else. it's not easy. i'm not as young as i used to be and change becomes a little harder to deal with as the years pass.

i've been sleeping a lot. i didn't realize how damned exhausted i was, or what it was like to sleep without the constant weight of the hotel on my mind. i can take the alert status down, although i know it will take me a while.

i'm trying to work through the myriad choices that appear before my dazed and confused eyes. now what?

reinvention?

why not?

there has to be a path here somewhere, and if i can't find it, well...i guess i'll just have to make my own.

all i need is a compass.




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