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yes, i know what time it is. i'm telling you, my sleep pattern is all effed up. i don't know if i'm an insomniac or if it's that damned 3-11 shift that's got me all discombobulated.

not that it matters.

****

Gem made it home safe, although late. since the epicenter of the quake happened quite close to her family, i was relieved to hear they were all fine and dandy. the storms blew through, we're on flash flood and thunderstorm watch still, and the little Shittard was so happy his Goddess is home he dang near had a rupture.

heh.

****

my connection has been in and out, so if i haven't emailed you and i owe you one, i'm sorry and whap me one. and if you owe me one, get on it already! what's YOUR excuse?

****

i need to get organized. i have notes in various formats (to include my beloved yellow legal pads, sticky notes, scribbled in the moleskin, taped to the fridge, and floating around my desktop and in cyberspace) and it's getting close to the time for me to correlate all this info.

i love research. i really do. like blogging, it's my crack (for the record, i have never done the drug crack, nor would i. i plead the fifth on the word "crack" being used in any other context. heh.) i can't decide if i've finally evolved into my Ultimate Nerd Form, or if there's more ahead.

i think there's more ahead. i hope there is.

i hope. that's such a lovely thing to say. it's been a long time.

****

the Project is coming along, although i can become so focused and anal i forget the passage of time, and the next thing i know, i'm putting in sixteen hour days. although that might be warranted in the birthing of a project, i'd really like to scale back the labor pains and practice a little patience.

i can be patient. i can be very patient.

i also need to take better care. of, you know, myself.

but there's so much, sooooo much and i want to know it all, do it all, like, right now. this minute. this very minute, because i think for all the years i couldn't, now i'm thinking i can, and i aim to prove that to myself at least.

****

this is my brain. this is my brain on no sleep.

any questions?

****

the flotsam and jetsam:

- how different am i now from the young girl i once was? you lose perspective and memory as the world wears on, and i wonder, sometimes. it's bittersweet.

- keep teasing me about the little Shittard, but keep in mind that he's Gem's dog, and i like to avoid heartache when i see it coming. i've had enough of that, tyvm, and it would be supremely stoopid of me to stick my head in the lion's mouth now, wouldn't it.

- my momma told me my fifties would be the best. i thought maybe she was mistaken, given physical (mental, spiritual AND emotional) aches and pains and baggage, but i am coming to see she was right, as usual. as the first quarter of my journey into fiftyhood comes to a close, i have to say i'm quite enjoying it in spite of, or maybe because of, the challenges.

- this has led me to believe i'm stronger than i feel, smarter than i look, and better than i hoped. this is not a bad place to be. in fact, it's pretty fucking okay.

and now, with that all vomited onto the page, i think it will shut the hamsters up long enough for me to get some sleep. hopefully, there will be no quakes, storms, or puking puppies to disturb that tonight.

~zonk~


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