the strange planet inside my head
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THE EMPIRE
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mail call and the Miracle of the Grass
well, i've been angsting over the lawn. Gem doesn't have a lawnmower (all three have been stolen, even when chained) so she pretty much called it a wash and drafted the maintenance guy last year. every day i've been watching the grass grow longer and longer (well, i do other things but i'm outside a lot with the little Shittard, and i notice these things.) it's been a concern. i mean, in places it was almost as tall at the puppy, and i really do have to keep an eye on his bathroom habits (which, now that you mention it, brings up another subject i'll address.) anyway, it was bugging me, and Gem said to be on the lookout for a small riding mower.
the knight, hometown boy that he is, found such an item but it won't be ready until monday. $90. what a deal! in the meantime, i'm leaving tomorrow and i wanted to get the lawn cut so Gem wouldn't have to worry about it. this is really weighing on me -- don't laugh. i know how neurotic i am.
last night i get home and park the car, it's dark, but the aroma of fresh cut grass is redolent in the evening air. (doesn't that sound romantic?) could it be? no.
YES! someone cut the grass! all of it, front and back!
OMG! who could have done such a marvelous thing? who saw my plight and rode to the rescue? i was baffled.
this morning, i took the little Shittard out, and i noticed the neighbor's yard was cut, too. hmmmmmm. one of the girls that lives next door came outside, and i said HI! did you guys cut my grass? (i'm beaming, hair askew, in my jammies and slippers in the front yard. miss america, eat your heart out.) she starts giggling, and said yes, my dad cut it last night. he got a new riding lawn mower and he was cutting EVERYTHING. we gigglesnorted and i said, well, if you see him before i do, tell him i really, REALLY appreciate it.
oh, i will, she laughed.
amazing, but true. men and their toys. heh.
****
okay, the bathroom thing. first, the little Shittard has a new toy -- the toilet paper.
i'm sure i don't have to draw a picture. *sigh*
i just wish he knew how to wipe his ass with it.
and i've learned something. when you run out of dog treats, it's not a good idea to substitute cat treats containing a remedy for hairballs. this will induce very loose results, which can also be accompanied by an urgency that puppies are unable to control. OYE.
who knew. i think i heard sparky snickering. bitch.
****
so that's the Miracle of the Grass.
****
one of my most urgent errands was to check the PO box. i'm waiting on a check that would come in mighty handy right about now (not mentioning FUCKING GAS PRICES OF $3.70 a gallon) and unfortunately, my check was not there.
what WAS there was two copies of issue five of Fictitious Force, which contains my story, "Learning The Hard Way". (maggie, this was the Hispanic story we spoke about.)
W00T!!!
omg. :D
and a check for five bucks. :)
i keep looking at it. heh.
****
i love that story. i sold it to them October 2006 -- you gotta love fiction. i read it now and see many things i would change or fix, but it's a fine story and i'm proud of it. it was fun to write.
i really needed that check to be there, but somehow, that doesn't even matter right now.
this is me....smiling. smiling big-big.
long may the trend continue!
Check out TSB for the most legal fun you can have with your clothes on.
the knight, hometown boy that he is, found such an item but it won't be ready until monday. $90. what a deal! in the meantime, i'm leaving tomorrow and i wanted to get the lawn cut so Gem wouldn't have to worry about it. this is really weighing on me -- don't laugh. i know how neurotic i am.
last night i get home and park the car, it's dark, but the aroma of fresh cut grass is redolent in the evening air. (doesn't that sound romantic?) could it be? no.
YES! someone cut the grass! all of it, front and back!
OMG! who could have done such a marvelous thing? who saw my plight and rode to the rescue? i was baffled.
this morning, i took the little Shittard out, and i noticed the neighbor's yard was cut, too. hmmmmmm. one of the girls that lives next door came outside, and i said HI! did you guys cut my grass? (i'm beaming, hair askew, in my jammies and slippers in the front yard. miss america, eat your heart out.) she starts giggling, and said yes, my dad cut it last night. he got a new riding lawn mower and he was cutting EVERYTHING. we gigglesnorted and i said, well, if you see him before i do, tell him i really, REALLY appreciate it.
oh, i will, she laughed.
amazing, but true. men and their toys. heh.
****
okay, the bathroom thing. first, the little Shittard has a new toy -- the toilet paper.
i'm sure i don't have to draw a picture. *sigh*
i just wish he knew how to wipe his ass with it.
and i've learned something. when you run out of dog treats, it's not a good idea to substitute cat treats containing a remedy for hairballs. this will induce very loose results, which can also be accompanied by an urgency that puppies are unable to control. OYE.
who knew. i think i heard sparky snickering. bitch.
****
so that's the Miracle of the Grass.
****
one of my most urgent errands was to check the PO box. i'm waiting on a check that would come in mighty handy right about now (not mentioning FUCKING GAS PRICES OF $3.70 a gallon) and unfortunately, my check was not there.
what WAS there was two copies of issue five of Fictitious Force, which contains my story, "Learning The Hard Way". (maggie, this was the Hispanic story we spoke about.)
W00T!!!
omg. :D
and a check for five bucks. :)
i keep looking at it. heh.
****
i love that story. i sold it to them October 2006 -- you gotta love fiction. i read it now and see many things i would change or fix, but it's a fine story and i'm proud of it. it was fun to write.
i really needed that check to be there, but somehow, that doesn't even matter right now.
this is me....smiling. smiling big-big.
long may the trend continue!
Check out TSB for the most legal fun you can have with your clothes on.
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