the moment of clarity i had yesterday was fun while it lasted.

"moment" being the operative word.

****

many questions, few answers all the way around. i'm not depressed, but something doesn't feel right. i don't know how to explain it -- i feel it when i take a deep breath. like a prickle-burr stuck in my esophagus. it's not physical.

i don't know how to explain it.

i don't know to what or whom it relates, either.

****

it's a beautiful day out, and i have the windows and doors open. the little Shittard is in a gated-off area outside and is busy eating rocks. yeah, he eats rocks. maybe he has a gizzard, what do i know. maybe he's not really eating the rocks but some kind of disgusting substance in *between* the rocks. i learned my lesson about sticking my finger in his mouth to find out what he's eating during the Catty Snacking Incident(s). that's one mystery i am fine with.

****

we have two flower baskets hanging on either side of the door. one is a red geranium, the other is miniature hanging pansies.

i took the hanging pansy one down to water it a couple of weeks ago, and there was a nest with four baby birds in it! i carefully watered and hung it back up, and kept an eye on it.

sure enough, i see a drab mama bird, tiny and brown, hurrying back and forth feeding her babies. the baby daddy is also a small brown bird, but he has a red head. (heh! this so tickles me.) i'd see him come and go, and sometimes he'd hang out in the red geranium basket. kinda like a bachelor pad.

i'd hear them chittering every morning.

two of the baby birds didn't make it, and when i saw that, i took down the pansy basket and sure enough, the nest is empty. since then, i've seen the two birds sitting on the gutter of the roof, chatting back and forth. so cute.

i've seen them in the pansy basket now and then, and i saw the baby daddy take something in his beak to the red geranium basket, and i wonder if he's building another nest, or just sprucing up his bachelor crib. i haven't taken the basket down to check.

do birds mate more than once a season?

****

you know, Gem and i talk about this a lot in our Chick Chat Sessions. she's been married three times, and i really have to give her huge props for that, and for surviving the Aftermath. i know for a fact i cannot do that again.

anyway, what we were talking about, is how marriage has changed over the last centuries. how it used to be (at least for the blooded) strictly a business proposition. a joining of property and material goods. the mortality rate for infants and children was incredibly high; as a result, nannies and nurses raised the children, who were produced in order to inherit the joining of the property and material goods.

parents negotiated their children like the property they were.

the values of society are in constant flux. back in those days, your lifespan was anywhere from the late twenties to the early fifties. people died young all the time, so it wasn't uncommon for people to only be married say, twenty years.

now we live a lot longer, and when we marry, to say "for the rest of my life, or until one of us cacks", is saying a lot more for a lot more years. not only are multiple marriages more common, so are older singles.

maybe we're only meant to be with one partner for xx amount of years, and maybe then the brain or the heart just can't take it anymore. maybe it's the natural process -- how do we know? again with the "society in flux" thing, and the biology of the human animal, and BTW, just who the hell *IS* society anyway, to determine how things are supposed to go?

with the divorce rate so high, there's a quiet revolution going on. the face of relationships, financial consequences and the ties that bind are all changing as the demographic of the population changes.

for instance...

there's a man and a woman who have been dating for four years. they each have their own place and are financially secure, but she doesn't have retirement or health insurance and he does. they're in their fifties.

her first marriage lasted nine years, therefore she is not eligible for her ex's social security (if they had been married ten years, she could claim a portion of it upon retirement. did you know that?) it would have been higher than hers.

her beau has an ex-wife who can claim not only a portion of his SS, but also his pension from his employer.

there's also taxes to consider, property, and inevitable health concerns to deal with.

so, it's not as simple as, "Will you marry me because I love you and we get on well together." it's not the same scenario as a first marriage, where the focus is on building a family. the second marriage has a different focus -- not only is it compatibility and companionship, but there are financial repercussions as well. and that's not even throwing in the mix the extended families.

****

and how the HELL did i start talking about this???

gah.

****

here i am babbling about this shit when i should be doing something productive.

damned hamsters.

;)



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