i thought i could pull off my shift last night but that just wasn't happening.

i showed up, and Miss S took one look at the little bit she could see of my swollen eyes, and said, oh no, little lady. there's no way. here, take one of these (a little blue pill) and go get some sleep. we've got it covered.

and so, in a First, i took the advice (and the pill) and slept until now. it's early yet, but i feel like i have some of my control back, and it's all good.

****

i am surrounded by some of the best friends and kindest people i have ever known. my heartfelt and sincere thanks to each and every one of you. i guess i just needed the meltdown to get it out of my system, and to remind me that eventually, when you burn the candle at both ends, at some point they're going to meet in the middle. i have to remind myself there is no big "S" on my chest, and that it's not weak to have a moment -- it's weak to wallow and i'm not a wallower. besides, momma would KICK MY ASS if she knew i was behaving like a big baby.

so, no more. not for awhile, anyway. that was not pleasant. as a matter of fact, i kinda scared myself.

****

other than that, all that's left to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. i caught a look at next week's schedule -- i'm down to three night shifts. Stud Muffin got my two day shifts, but that's nothing i didn't expect and fine with me. i have long since given up ever getting medical benefits out of this place (i really should have known better) and i think they're aware i will be dropping and rolling at a moment's notice. although i know i have the know-how (and the talent, yes, there, i've said it) to do Big Things in this industry, it's just not worth it to me.

(i saw previews on one of the channels (probably Fox) for a new show called "Do Not Disturb" about hotel life. i'll be looking at that, for sure.)

if things go the way i hope, i believe i may be putting in my two weeks notice around the first of august. i hope, i hope.

****

sparky has been contained to the basement when there are no humans present, as she's taken up the habit of beating the shit out of the little Shittard. serious biz -- she hates the little fuckah, and i can't figure out what the big change has been. hopefully, that too, will be resolved before too much longer. nothing puts a strain on a friendship like one pet whapping the hellfire out of another one. *sigh*

i have pictures of the Shittard with his new haircut -- i really need to get those up and posted.

****

and that's about it. i need to check on the Empire (please visit! and click!) and get some more content up. i'm working on an article for the St. L blog about the Death of an American Icon, and i have another idea for the menopause blog. tonight will be busy at work (lots of check-ins) but the good news is, after tonight i'm off until wednesday. i'll be able to kick some other things into High Gear, and that relieves me.

****

"A ship in the harbor is safe. But that's not what ships are built for." ~ Unknown


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