my doctor, my therapist and i have decided it's a mixture of things that has my head to spinning these days. yes, spinning. physically, emotionally, spiritually. (not head-spinning like ragan - halloween is over, alas!!) so forgive me if i don't make much sense here. it seems as tho there's a rat in a wheel that never stops.

expectations:

i would expect that i could type better than i can. i've been doing it for some many years now, but i cannot. if i left all the errors in, you may or may not make sense of it. worse, i might, unknowingly, offend someone and i certainly don't want to do that.

i expect my spouse to talk to me. to at least speak to me when one or the other of us come in the door. but often he does not.

i expect my children to be somewhat respectful. i know that he's 20 and more independent now and i know that she's beginning the "hormonal" stage of her life. still, i expect some modicum of respect which i do not always get. and the times when i get it are becoming fewer and fewer.

i expect people to be kind. okay, maybe that's a stretch. i expect them to be at least civil. even if it's difficult for them some days.

i expect traffic to be hellish, especially on rainy friday afternoons and evenings, and i expect to have to wait in line for things. i do not expect that people will flip me off for driving too slow - above the speed limit in the slow lane - or huff at me under their breath if i take too long to arrange my money in my purse before i get out of line.

these are the challenges i'm faced with everyday, and i'm certain i'm not alone here. they're not the biggest challenges i have (I WISH!!!!!) nor the smallest (THANK YOU GOD!!!) but they are somewhere in between and occur constantly.

if you look closely at my little list of peeves, you'll find that they are not at all huge expectations. just a little common decency folks, that's all i'm askin for.

go on, take a deep breath. give it a minute...think about it...just for a minute, half a minute, really.

to me, these expectations just seem so normal, so simple, so easy. yes, i know i'm a simple minded tree hugging bleeding heart pollyanna. but it's my head and we like it just fine in here!!!

now if i could just get everyone else on board...

i think i better lower my expectations...again...

sad, isn't it? it's my own way of self-attitude adjustment, and i must do it in order to survive this mad mad world we have created for ourselves.

it's certainly not ideal, but i can hang. altho i do feel much like jill "i'm dancing as fast as i can" clayburgh