Dear J,
Here's hoping for a safe trip
and best of luck in your new job.

things were a bit tight for your credit
card when I called,
but I made a telephone payment and
I think there's money available now.

If you need more money before they
start paying you, don't hesitate to let
me know. Some companies have lots
of red tape, and their payroll takes a
while to catch up. I can always put
more money on the card if you need it--
first and last months rent, food, utilities,etc.

N immediately started to "build our
relationship" the instant you left.
He thinks you are a bad influence
on me and now that you are headed for
Iowa....I blew up and told him there
was no relationship and no hope of one.
He lost that when we broke his promise
and after 15 years there's nothing left.

J, I was so angry I had chest pains.
I was so filled with rage I nearly did something
dangerous/deadly. I did drive the car into
the garage door on purpose. No major damage.

He takes my relaxed attitude of "it will
be as it will be" as weakness or openess
or something. From now on I shall have
to be vigilant and terrible and unyielding.
I work 8 hours and overtime while he
jerks off at the computer. Literally--
I saw the pictures he takes of himself
to send to his -- what would you call them?

I hope to hear from you when you get
settled in Iowa. Had potato soup for
dinner last night and thought of you
and Sunday dinners. A bit sad, but very
happy for you that you are back in the
swing of things.

Love you very much.
Mamela