Dear J,

SusieQ and I have had a blow-up. I inadvertently sent her a sarcastic e-mail, calling her 'our favorite person.' She had a temper tantrum and tears and is making all kinds of wild accusations, saying she can't trust anybody, she's lost 100 pounds in a month and can't sleep.

She is going to want me to apologize--and I will, of course, since it was unprofessional of me to do that.

But now she has "carte blanche" to do whatever she wants, since she now holds the moral high ground.

My reaction is that I wash my hands of her. I am very angry, probably projecting my anger at my mother onto another crazy person. But I also empathize with her, because I know how impossible and difficult it is for a person with a personality disorder to deal with it. We can't hold her responsible for her actions and her paranoia because she is mentally ill.

I, however, can be held accountable for my actions. And I will be suitably castigated. Already have received verbal discipline and will probably receive a letter of reprimand.

Love,
Mamela