The Caregiver Game gives all the high cards to the patient. Every requirement presented to the patient can always be trumped with, "I'm sick. My back hurts. I'm shaking too hard. My medication has made me dizzy. My bowels didn't move this morning." And on and on.

Therefore, the caregiver's request is negated and even framed as abusive or harsh. "How dare you ask me to get out of bed to change the sheets? I have to rest my back!" Or, alternatively, "I am in my wheelchair. I cannot reach my meds. Bring them to me."

So dutiful little caregiver acquiesces to all the demands and refusals, because the patient holds all the cards. (I can't go by my own inclinations, since I would be arguing to get out of the bed, out of the wheelchair, being as active as I could be. Having a caregiver wait on me hand and foot would be a burden, an embarrassment. I hope it never comes to that.)

The game is relentless, UNTIL there is something the patient really wants to do. Then a miracle occurs: It walks, it talks, it's alive! It does stuff unthinkable only an hour ago! It's a miracle!!

Which leads me to the suspicion that the patient uses or exaggerates a disability to manipulate and control. And the caregiver is wrong if he confronts the patient (what if the patient really *is* that sick?), because only the disabled one really knows how well or how ill he is. (Though I must say that experienced medical folks can judge it pretty well.)

So the Caregiver Game goes on, year after ugly, tedious year....