sjrozan

I've been thinking a lot about how the idea of committing suicide, which people no doubt carry around for months or years, solidifies into this-is-the-moment. And it occurs to me that your brother, Kenny, and your boyfriend, Whitetrash, and the guy I saw -- probably over months or years, they did get that rescue more than once: the dog came in or the phone rang or someone took them out to eat. Those times, they were looking for the life preserver and grabbed it when it was dropped. Then came the time they weren't. That morning, for each of them, I'll bet something happened that they could have used as a life preserver if they'd wanted to, just like before, but that morning something was different, and they left the life preserver lying there.

The Carolyn Heilbrun thing stuns me. I didn't know about that until Sunday. Last time I saw her was not quite 2 years ago. We were on a panel together. She was old-lady-cranky but conspiratorially cheerful about it, moving slowly -- arthritis, I think -- but absolutely as sharp, even brilliant, as ever. Apparently, she'd always said living beyond 60 was optional. (Isn't it always?) Her son says she wasn't ill, but I guess she was deteriorating in a way she didn't like, and decided this was it. I can imagine going out when you seem to be surrounded by endless blackness, but I'm not sure I get it when the blackness seems to be looming, but not here yet.

sjrozan I'm a writer, at work on my 11th book. This blog is a record of random and less-random thoughts. If you want to know more about me, check my website, linked here. I also had a blog going from spring through late fall 2004 about the publishing process for my 9th book, ABSENT FRIENDS. That blog's called "Progress" and you can find the link here. I won't make any more entries but I'm leaving it up in case anyone's interested; the process is more or less the same from book to book.
:: JOURNAL HOME :: SUBSCRIBE TO THIS JOURNAL :: MY WEBSITE :: MY PHOTOS :: SIX-WORD STORIES :: KEITH SNYDER :: WILLIAM GIBSON :: DAVID CORBETT :: ERIC STONE :: LAURIE KING :: TANEYA'S BABY BLOG :: NEVER TOO LATE BASKETBALL :: NEVER TOO LATE BASKETBALL BLOG :: ATLANTIC CENTER FOR THE ARTS :: ASSISI WRITING WORKSHOP :: BLOG HEAVEN :: VELVETEEN RABBI :: MUSEUM OF CHINESE IN AMERICA :: THE JEW AND THE CARROT :: MY SISTER'S ORGANIC FARM :: NATURE CONSERVANCY :: URBAN NATURALIST :: FOR THE BIRDS :: BIRD CINEMA :: RETURNTOTHECENTER :: TALKING POINTS :: EMAIL ::
Previous Entry :: Next Entry Read/Post Comments (1)		2003-10-14 3:05 PM Suicide II I've been thinking a lot about how the idea of committing suicide, which people no doubt carry around for months or years, solidifies into this-is-the-moment. And it occurs to me that your brother, Kenny, and your boyfriend, Whitetrash, and the guy I saw -- probably over months or years, they did get that rescue more than once: the dog came in or the phone rang or someone took them out to eat. Those times, they were looking for the life preserver and grabbed it when it was dropped. Then came the time they weren't. That morning, for each of them, I'll bet something happened that they could have used as a life preserver if they'd wanted to, just like before, but that morning something was different, and they left the life preserver lying there. The Carolyn Heilbrun thing stuns me. I didn't know about that until Sunday. Last time I saw her was not quite 2 years ago. We were on a panel together. She was old-lady-cranky but conspiratorially cheerful about it, moving slowly -- arthritis, I think -- but absolutely as sharp, even brilliant, as ever. Apparently, she'd always said living beyond 60 was optional. (Isn't it always?) Her son says she wasn't ill, but I guess she was deteriorating in a way she didn't like, and decided this was it. I can imagine going out when you seem to be surrounded by endless blackness, but I'm not sure I get it when the blackness seems to be looming, but not here yet. Read/Post Comments (1) Previous Entry :: Next Entry Back to Top