The Far Off Worls of John Teehan

Ruumor Tuesdays: Olympics Edition

jdteehan@sff.net (tumblewrite) — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 06:18:00 GMT

Reading: How To Sink a Ship
Music: Almost Irish
TV/Movie: The IT Crowd
Link o' the Day: Fred Pohl's The Way The future Was

This week's Rumor Tuesday features little-known facts about the Olympics. Who says I can't keep up with current events?

Rumor has it... At the first modern Olympics games in 1896 held in Athens, the IOC had waited until only the day before the opening ceremonies to announce that the competitions would not be held in the nude as they had been in the ancient Olympics.

Rumor has it... The International Olympics Committee has never had a medal-winner among its members.

Rumor has it... The torch relay at the 2010 Winter Olympics is set to be the longest relay in Olympic history.

Rumor has it... The words in the Olympic motto "Citius, Altius, Fortius" (Latin meaning "Faster, Higher, Stronger") have been used as model names for cars, computers, and skateboards.

Rumor has it... 2010 will be the last year for the classic three-tiered rostrum for medal award presentations. All future Olympics will use a single-levelled platform so as not to raise any one competitor above another during the ceremony.

Rumor has it... The mascots for the 2010 Winter Olympics are Miga (a mythical sea bear) and Quatchi (Sasquatch).

Rumor has it... In the entire history of the Olympics, there have been three non-concurrent events known as curling. One is the now-familiar sport using heavy stones on ice. The others were Summer Olympic events: one being a form of lawn tennis using a soft cloth ball stuffed with feathers (1896-1912) and the other being a demonstration event similar to lacrosse combined with bocci (1930-1934).

Rumor has it... Olympic host cities must pass strenuous tests from the IOC regarding air and water quality, siesmic stability, and average intelligence.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Today's link is a fun one for science fiction fans. Welcome to the blog of Fred Pohl entitled The Way The future Was. This was the title of his very excellent memoir, and now it's a blog. This is some pretty interesting reading from one of the original Futurians.

Check it out.

Friday's Mailbag: Ghost Books

jdteehan@sff.net (tumblewrite) — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 05:46:00 GMT

Reading: Stick To Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain! by Scott Adams
Music: Dan Tyminski
TV/Movie: Winter Olympics 2010 in Vancouver
Link o' the Day: Multiplex

This week's myserious mis-delivered mail features a linen white business envelope with a folded letter within. There are some adhesive marks on the back which suggest that it may have once been attached to a larger package. No package exists here... just the letter. It reads:

Dear Dr. Still,

Several years ago, a member of our editorial board retained you as a consulting reader for our publishing house. Books to be sent to you would be of mystical or supernatural themes, and over the years we have received many submissions which have been turned down without any need for outside consultation. We've received a trio of books recently, however, which we are considering publishing if for no other reason than the recent resurgence in interest in the supernatural. the three books we would like you to review for us are:

Ghost Hoses of New England by Sarah Waterstone. At first we thought it might have been a typo and the author had meant to print houses, but upon review--the author truly intended to mean hoses. The author recounts nearly a hundred unlikely tales of haunted fire hoses, garden hoses, watering hoses, industrial hoses, and even emergency medical hoses. The author covers the several types of hoses being haunted: nylon, rubber, flexible metal sheathing, hydraulic, etc. The book sounds amusing at first, but quickly grows tired as the stories tend to have very little to do with actual hauntings and more with the history of hoses in New England.

Ghost Houses of New England by Bradford Fourly. This seems more like what we're looking for, but rather than being a collection of stories regarding haunted houses in New England, it's more about houses which are themselves ghosts. To whit, a house that no longer exists except in some ethereal place of existence. At first this sounds very interesting, but the stories all seem to be related by various patrons of bars and saloons. The stories are transcribed verbatim, so the narratives are difficult to follow and trail off-topic into rants about the government, ex-wives, ex-husbands, and requests for small loans. The interview often ends when the storyteller is rebuffed.

Ghost Hauntings of Nude England by Chauncey Bottomwell. It's exactly what you expect it to be and really needs no further commentary from us. Normally we wouldn't consider publishing a book of this nature, but we would like your input to determine if there are perhaps deeper, more meaningful layers to this book.

Finally, you may notice certain similarities in style and titling in these three books. Although each book is purported to be written by a different author, and each submission was sent from a different location (Templar, AZ, Providence, RI, and Exeter, UK specifically), we suspect there may be only one author involved. We have not decided yet if this will affect our editorial decisions, but we felt we should let you know that we are aware of the possibility of a single author.

We're looking forward to your timely input. Please submit an invoice for your consultation services to our accounts department.

Yours sincerely,

Ike Mays
Acquisitions Editor
Four Stone Books

Next up is the familiar rag-papered, crimson inked note. Today's missive reads:

We are making wagers as to the outcome of the events currently occurring beyond the lights.

When the lights go out, it will be time to pay up.

We await your signal.

(signed)
Unsigned

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Today's link goes to the webcomic Multiplex - a comic about life at a movie theater. It's a bunch of college-aged kids with crappy theater jobs, but there are some amusing comments on movies and movie-going. It's not just a straight gag strip, though. There's story and character development going on, so you will want to read through the archives to maximize the enjoyment of the strip.

Cheers!

Rumor Tuesday: US Lottery Edition

jdteehan@sff.net (tumblewrite) — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 05:45:00 GMT

Reading: Stick To Drawing Comics, Money Brain! by Scott Adams
Music: Henry Rollins Band
TV/Movie: Bill Maher: Wrong
Link o' the Day:

Independent Spirit Awards

Today's Rumor Tuesday takes a look at the ever-popular lottery system in the United States. Welcome to it. Today's winning numbers are...

Rumor has it... No lottery number in the US has been drawn in which, when all of the numbers are added up, it has equaled a prime number.

Rumor has it... While it's commonly believed that lottery jackpot winners tend to lose their new-found fortunes quickly, actual studies show most lottery winners not only retain most of their winnings, but have often invested them and doubled or tripled those winnings within five years.

Rumor has it... Hawaii is the only state in the US not to have a state-sponsored lottery.

Rumor has it...The first modern state-level lottery in the U.S. was established in Puerto Rico in 1934.

Rumor has it... More winning lottery jackpot tickets have been purchased in towns or cities named after American presidents than any other.

Rumor has it... Shirley Jackon's "The Lottery" was partly inspired by Jackson's experiences living in North Bennington, Vermont. At the time of writing, Vermont had just licensed lottery sales to supermarkets.

Rumor has it... The Baseball scratch instant-win lottery ticket was introduced in the 1970s and is the longest continuously running scratch ticket in the US.

-=-=-=-=-=-

Today's link goes to the homepage for the Independent Spirit Awards now enjoying its 25th year. The nominees have been announced and it looks like a good year. Why should you visit? Because the Spirit Awards are like a fun version of the Oscars. Folks really let their hair down for this one. The Spirit Awards should get an award themselves. Cheers!

Friday Mailbag: Existential Detectivery

jdteehan@sff.net (tumblewrite) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 05:37:00 GMT

Reading: Maus by Art Spiegelman
Music: Uchuu wa Taihen Da
TV/Movie: Urusei Yatsura
Link o' the Day: The Three Stooges Official Website

Today's awkward mail sent to me, but not for me, comes first in a plain brown business envelope of the sort one doesn't see much these days. Within on engraved business stationery is thus:

Dear Ms. Malin,

As you know, we pride ourselves on our ability to track down missing persons even on the most slim of clues and information. We believe in thinking outside the box, and always getting results. We admit, however, that your case has forced us to think so far outside the box that we are questioning some of our results and we request some further input from you in regards to your case.
You hired us to locate the father of you and your siblings--a man who disappeared without warning some twenty years ago. You also refused to provide us with any biographical or biological data, and insisted we search for your missing father on a philosophical basis alone. This is way outside the box. Still, we agreed to give it a go.

We hesitate to consider the following a "narrowing down" of the list of possibilities--but more the top ten in our list of potential targets. If you would be so kind as to look over this list and offer some insights, we would appreciate it and feel more confident that we could bring this case to a successful conclusion.

Our investigators have turned up the following possibilities:

A Cape Verdean short order cook in Tulsa, Oklahoma who owns a complete set of the works of Albert Camus.

A professor of secular humanism at Hofstra University.

A chorus girl at an all-drag revue in Flint, Michigan.

The Dalai Lama.

A diabetic Marist missionary in Burma.

A retired cartoonist currently living in Cleveland, Ohio.

An independent film actor and playwright from New York currently supplementing his income with TV commercials and animation voiceovers.

One of three Jewish comedians from Brownsville, New York.

A keyboard player in a German 80s-nostalgia techno band.

The "missing" Lindbergh baby.

The list may seem a bit all over the map, but I think you'll agree that they share certain aspects from the philosophical profile you provided us.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Bernard and Vivian Jaffe
Interconnective Investigations

Next up is the ever-familiar folded note written with crimson ink upon a rag paper. It reads:

To Whom It May Concern:

Have you noticed the increasing number of bank robberies of late?

We have.

We're just saying.

We await your signal.

(signed)
Unsigned

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Today's link goes to The Three Stooges Official Website. I mean, come on! Does it get much better than that? Okay, I'm a Marx Bros. kind of guy, but easy fun entertainment is pretty much any Three Stooges short you could ever run across. And I'm a huge fan of the Stooge double-slap sound effect. If I thought it wouldn't be socially awkward, I'd make it my ringtone.

Cheers!

Rumor Teusday: Language Edition

jdteehan@sff.net (tumblewrite) — Tue, 9 Feb 2010 07:25:00 GMT

Reading: The Ten-Cent Plague
Music: Todd Rundgren's Wizard: A True Star
TV/Movie: George Carlin: It's Bad For Ya
Link o' the Day: Linguistics Society of America

Welcome back to Rumor Tuesday, your one-stop site for interesting factoids--or stuff that sounds like factoids. This week's edition looks at language--a course of study I was once very devoted to back in my kollege daze. I still enjoy paging through books on the development of language. I heartily recommend Bill Bryson's The Mother Tongue (July 1990) for an entertaining little book on the histories and vagaries of the English language.

Anyway, on to today's "facts":

The term "mano a mano" does not mean "man to man," but rather "hand to hand" from the Latin word manu-, meaning hand.

Likewise, the phrase "to man a table" is not an inherently sexist term as it also has its roots in Latin from the verb manus(manere) meaning to handle.

It is commonly believed that the Inuit have over a hundred words for "snow." In actuality they have very few words for snow, but many modifying additives to the base word forming over a hundred different compound words. The more sensationalist belief stems from an attempt by anthropologists to underscore how environment links to language.

The most common word on Earth is "a" and can mean anything from an indefinite article in English to a shade of blue-green in the Ainu language.

Tobogan has four different systems of writing depending on who the writer is: man, woman, priest, or merchant.

There are more tribal dialects known and spoken in the Amazon region of South America than there are currently existing tribes.

"Twin-speak," the phenomenon in which twins grow up speaking a secret language, has elements (usually in adverb form) that are common among different sets of twins, even twins who have been raised in widely different parts of the world and among widely different base language groups. Some tests have found that twins raised in Scotland can communicate, limitedly, with twins raised in Burma.

The English language has exported more words to other languages than it has imported. 99% of all exported words came into existence within the past one hundred years and are technology-related. 90% of all imported words are either food, clothing or farming-related. Only a tenth of those were introduced within the past hundred years.

Languages that have no word for "zero" often also do not have a word for "white."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

In keeping with the above theme, today's link takes you to the Linguistics Society of America. If you're an academic or a professional in the language field, it looks like a decent organization to belong to. If you're an armchair enthusiast like myself, you'll at least enjoy browsing some of the publications and links.

Cheers!

The Friday Mailbag Returns With Lost Books

jdteehan@sff.net (tumblewrite) — Fri, 5 Feb 2010 08:05:00 GMT

Reading: Shampoo Planet by Douglas Coupland
Music: Gerry O'Connor
TV/Movie: The Unborn (terrible movie, btw)
Link o' the Day: Feels Like Ohm.

It's been a while since strange mail has arrived at my doorstep. Mail left with me, but not addressed to me. Rarely, in fact, is there any sensible address for addressee or returnee. So I read my strange mail. First up, in a plain white envelope coated lightly with dust:

Dear Dr. Henry Newage

In reviewing library records, I have discovered that you were lent fifteen books over ten years ago and have yet to return them. Accidents happen. Books borrowed are sometimes forgotten. What I found disturbing, however, is that the list of borrowed books matches exactly a list you had submitted to the library's Board of Directors for removal on moral and scientific grounds. Apparently the previous head librarian was aware of this subterfuge, but chose to look the oher way. I, however, cannot.

I request the immediate return of these volumes in good condition. We will waive, this one time, late charges, but if any of the volumes are unrecoverable, we will be forced to escalate matters.

The volumes of note are:

The Habits and Practices of Highly Successful Rats by Deloris Pettigrew
Bag of Knobs and Boomsticks by Peter Mouse
A Secret History of the Western Swamp and Its Environs by Col. Gunther Montrose
Tuppence a Penny (or, How to Lose Your Shadow) by James Environs
Three Winds Come Through My Door (Poems) by Millicent Powers
Electricity In Ancient Mesopotamia by Halyard Mistral
Beer in Ancient Mesopotamia by Halyard Mistral
How To Sink a Ship by Gail Hops
The Daily Diet of the Aztec Merchant by Miles Killingly
Uncommon Sweetmeats by Chas. Kowalski
Five Bells, Four Sails, Three Souls by Frederick Hershey
One If By Land, Three If By Air: The Secret Air Force of the American Revolution by Henry H. Hyde
Living Like a Caveman by Durant Johnson
The Pornography of Easter Island by Kik Jones
The Twelves Days of Christmas by Fr. Francis Muldoon

In light of your past generosity to the library, the Board of Directors have asked me not to suspend your borrowing privelages. However, I have left strict instructions for you not to be lent anymore books from the children's section, and have added a notation that before you are lent any books at all, that you see me so we can discuss this matter in person.

I look forward to that moment.

Your sincerely,

James Newage,
Head Librarian
King's Hall Town Library

Often with my mis-delivered mail comes a note written in a reddish-brown ink upon a rough, rag paper. I have not seen these notes in a while and had hoped that the events of which they darkly hinted had been resolved.

Apparently I should be so lucky. Today's message reads:

As events come to close, events come to unfold.
We are come enlightened. We are come confused.
As ever, we await your signal.

(signed)
Unisgned

Huh. Welcome to the return of the Friday mailbag.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Today's link goes to our new favorite coffeeshop here in West Warwick--Feels Like Ohm. It's fairly new, having opened a few months after we moved here. Lots of comfy chairs. A Library full of fun books. Good coffee. Good snacks. Some great art on the walls. Occasional events. An all-round comfortable place to hang out and be a coffeeshop person. If you're in the area, check it out.

Cheers!

Rumor Tuesday Returns! Special Lost Edition

jdteehan@sff.net (tumblewrite) — Wed, 3 Feb 2010 06:00:00 GMT

Reading: Shampoo Planet by Douglas Coupland
Music: NOFX
TV/Movie: Betty Blue (director's cut)
Link o' the Day: Friends of Attleboro Animal Shelter

Rumor Tuesday returns! Okay, so today is Wednesday, but that's only because this week's Rumor Tuesday features JJ Abrams and the TV show Lost with seven things we bet you never knew about the hit ABC drama. Lost's final season premiered last night. Nothing here is really a spoiler, so read on and remember... you read it here first! Tell your friends.

All of the scenes that took place on the airplane and in the airport in the season six premiere episode were shot in 2004 during the filming of the first season.
Ten of the regularly appearing extras are part of a group known in Hollywood as "The Apple Abrams Gang." Their specialty is getting killed on film and have done so in Alias, Lost, Mission Impossible 3, Cloverfield, Star Trek, and Fringe. They've been shot, burned, blown up, crushed, eaten, and dragged underground and underwater.
One of the Apple Abrams Gang, Henry Piper, is particularly known for being crushed under the same papier mache beam in five appearances: Star Trek, Cloverfield, Alias, and Lost (twice). He has affectionately named the beam "Fuzzy."
Nestor Carbonell, the actor who plays Richard Alpert, lost a finger in a fishing accident when a child. He usually wears a prosthesis and covers it up with props or creative camera angling. In the Lost season six premiere, the missing finger is briefly visible in the sand underneath John Locke's shoe and the actor is clearly filmed with only nine fingers when he is draped over Locke's shoulders.
Lost was originally pitched to NBC where network execs wanted to rework Abrams's concept into a comedy. Abrams wrote three episode treatments as part of a contract agreement, received payment, then promptly offered the original drama concept to ABC. NBC still holds and owns the comedy treatments and have until 2015 before all rights revert back to Abrams..
JJ Abrams occasionally claims that the inspiration for Lost occurred in the late 1990s when he came across a passage in a copy of Robinson Crusoe which he had borrowed from a hotel library. The passage reads, "I had thought I had lost all but time, but another on this island seeks to take time from me as well."
On Lost, the leader of the Temple Others speaks in a Kansei dialect from the mid-16th century Japan. His translator's eyeglasses are based on an 18th century design by Benjamin Franklin.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Today's link goes to the Friends of Attleboro Animal Shelter in Attleboro, MA. This is where we got Daisy and she appears in their Happy Tails section now as one of their many successful placements.
Send them money.
Cheers!

Rumor Tuesday: Silent Film Era Edition

jdteehan@sff.net (tumblewrite) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 07:57:00 GMT

Reading: some old Dr. Strange comics
Music: John Hartford
TV/Movie: The Lost World (silent version)
Link o' the Day: Guilded Age

Rumor has it... Harold Lloyd's "Glasses character" was the inspiration for Superman's identity as Clark Kent. Like that character, Lloyd found that he could hide his identity simply by taking off the glasses.

Rumor has it... Silent film star Charlie Chaplin was a big believer in developing an affordable color film process for movies. He often performed for free (under another name and without the trademark toothbrush moustache) in many experimental color films.

Rumor has it... Before movie-houses became popular, films were usually shown as sideshow attractions at carnivals and state fairs.

Rumor has it... Stunt doubles were virtually unknown. During the filming of Pandora's Box (1928), the scene in which Nancy runs alongside of and boards a moving train, no stunt double was employed. The movie's star, Louise Brooks, actually performed the stunt.

Rumor has it... The first stand-up comedy film appeared during the silent era. Jerome Reed performed a stand-up comedy act in front of an audience in Newark, NJ. He stood next to a large easel in front of a brick wall and told his jokes while an assistant revealed a series of caption cards. Occasionally the film woild cut to show the audience who had been given a series of placards that read words such as "Laugh," "Groan," "Applause," and "Wild Applause."

Rumor has it... Buster Keaton's stunts were so dangerous that no insurance company was willing to insure him or his films. Instead, Keaton acquired financing by taking out a series of gambling wagers depending on the number of injuries he and his crew would suffer in each film. As a result, Keaton's films were the most profitable films made in Hollywood at the time until state treasury officers shut down his operation. By this point, though, Keaton was a popular enough star that studios were willing to sign him on even without insurance.

Rumor has it... In 1919, Harold Lloyd lit a cigarette with what he had been told was a prop bomb. Instead, it turned out to be real and exploded, blowing off Lloyd's right thumb and index finger. After he recovered, Lloyd took to a white glove while on screen to conceal the damage. He performed the infamous clock-clinging stunt in Safety Last (1923), using only eight fingers.

Rumor has it... Clara Bow hooked up and had an affair with Bela Lugosi (before Dracula (1931) made him infamous) in the late '20s. Lugosi displayed a nude portrait of Bow in the bedroom of his Hollywood apartment until his death.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Today's link goes to a new webcomic I've stumbled across created by T Campbell, Erica Henderson, and Phil Kahn. Check out Guilded Age. I'm not familiar with two of the creators, but I've been a fan of T Campbell's Faans! for many years. Guilded Age looks to be a heroic, epic fantasy story. It's still in the first chapter and we're still meeting the main characters, but it shows a lot of potential and I heartily recommend keeping an eye on this one.

Cheers!

Friday's Mail -- making a list. It's the Least I Could Do

jdteehan@sff.net (tumblewrite) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 08:09:00 GMT

Reading: some Michael Chabon essays
Music: Jim Foetus
TV/Movie: Gold Diggers of 1933
Link o' the Day: Least I Could Do

Welcome to Friday! Today's mailbox contained no envelopes, but two handwritten notes. The first note appears on paper yellowed with age in a rusty-brown colored ink.

Dear Mr. Grocer,

Please receive this, our list of monthly supply requests. I know it's a little less than usual, but Smith Jr. is still under the Klondike and is not expected back for another three months. You know how teenagers get. Anyway...the list:

1 antelope side
4 cases of thrush
1 box of salted tuna fin
20 pounds of Caspian coffee
1 bar of Madagascar butter (frozen)
2 jars of Haxil's Powder
2 jars of Haxil's Ointment
1 jar of Haxil's Flakes
1 bottle of Flavor of Egypt
2 oranges (seeded)
2 oranges (unseeded)
4 pints of orange juice (with seeds)
3 bottles of Mongoose sauce
3 Mongoose

In addition to the consumables, I'll also need the usual monthly kitchen cutlery set, flour sifter, and coal bucket.

Oh, and some blackberry gum if you have any. If you're out of blackberry, then forget the gum altogether.

Thank you. Delivery should be made at the usual place and the usual time--sunset at the Grievous Smith Caves. You'll find the money en route in its usual spot under the gatekeeper's tongue.

Thank you.

The Smith Family

Slipped within the folded yellow page is the expected note on rag paper with the expected crimson ink. It reads:

To Whom It May Concern:

We are thinking of ordering lunch. While we await your signal, we also await news on what you'd like.

We're thinking Chinese.

signed
(unsigned)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Today's link goes to the webcomic Least I Could Do. It's a pretty fun webcomic. I've heard some accuse the authors of engaging in wish-fulfillment fantasy, but I take it more as a feel-good sort of comic where fun things happen to a guy who knows how to have fun and happens to be insanely lucky enough to be able to act on it. Be forewarned...some of the humor is risque--maybe even offensive to over-sensitive types, but there's a lot that can be enjoyed by anyone.

There are several years worth of archives. The artwork does not start out great, but stick with it for the writing, and in a few years--particularly when Lars Sohmer takes up the pen--the art becomes quite good. This is the same team that brings us Looking For Group.

Checking it out is the least you could do.

Cheers!

Tuesday Rumors on Wednesday: Spooky Edition

jdteehan@sff.net (tumblewrite) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 14:19:00 GMT

Reading: latest New Yorker
Music: Liz Carroll
TV/Movie: Monty Python's Meaning of Life
Link o' the Day: ComicBookScriptArchive.com

With Halloween coming up, this week's Rumor file features its Spooky edition.

Boo!

Rumor has it... The most haunted building in recorded history is the former asylum for the insane in Vienna which once housed Salieri, a contemporary and rival of Mozart. Reports of piano music, moaning, apparitions, doors opening and closing, strange lights, specftral visions, darkmen, and unexplained screaming have plagued the edifice for generations. Today the building serves as a storage facility for the Austrian municipal park system and is still haunted.

Rumor has it... Ghosts and hauntings are mentioned six times in The Bible.

Rumor has it... According to the International Paranormal Institute, there are twelve documented cases of dogs being haunted, and three cases of of parrots being haunted. Also, while there are countless cases of ghosts being sighted on ships and submarines, there are no documentated cases of apparitions aboard airplanes.

Rumor has it... According to the journal of the pilot of the Mayflower which delivered the Pilgrims to the New World, a sailor who signed on in Denmark was accused of vampirism by a pair of Pilgrims (John and William Water) and thrown overboard. Both men died of dehydration before landing in Plymouth. The incident is not mentioned in any of the colonists' documents--and there is no mention of anyone, not even wives or children, with the surname of Water.

Rumor has it... Dracula author Bram Stoker was a member of The Golden Dawn, a mystical organization based in Great Britain devoted to magical studies based on esoteric interpretations of the Kaballah and Egyptian mythology. Other members included Eliphas Levi, Arthur E. Waite, and Aleister Crowley. Stoker left the organization after one of is many re-organizations following the creation of the American branch in Chicago.

Rumor has it... In Asia, vampires don't so much fly as they jump around.

Rumor has it... Vampires fall victim to sunlight, garlic, holy water, and stakes through the heart. Werewolves succumb to silver bullets and wolfsbane. According to legend, a mummy can only be stopped by placing sheets of clean rice paper in its path, then setting the paper ablaze from a flame fed with beeswax and jasmine.

Rumor has it... Speaking of mummies, they were once so prevalent in Egypt that they were often used as fuel in steam engines.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Today's link goes to ComicBookScriptArchive.com for a fairly decent collection of MSWord Docs and PDF files of various comic book scripts. If you're looking for info on how to format a comic book script, this is a good place to check out.

Cheers!

Friday Mailbox: Look out for Dr. Gregorii

jdteehan@sff.net (tumblewrite) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 06:53:00 GMT

Reading: random comic books from the 70s and 80s
Music: Gorillaz
TV/Movie: Catch-22
Link o' the Day: MUFON - the Mutual UFO Network

Welcome to Friday, and welcome to the mailbag--which is actually a mailbox if you want to get technical about it. The first piece of mail comes in a plain white business envelope from a Manhattan address. It reads:

Dear Sir(s),

It has come to our attention here at Winter & Nash that you've been in contact with an individual who calls herself Dr. Petula Gregorii and who claims to be an investigator for an unnamed group of so-called scientists are studying certain phenomenon.

We feel it is our duty to warn you that Dr. Gregorii (if a doctor she truly is) is skilled charlatan of the highest order. Her unlikely claim to have discovered the full skeleton of a blue whale in the Himalayas was intriguing, but the later claim to have ruled the whale's death as a result of impact from falling from a great height strikes us as entirely ludicrous and calls many of her other claims into question. Likewise, her outrageous claims and poor follow-up has become a source of embarassment for many of those who have previously funded her epeditions.

For instance:

Regarding her discovery of a species of 13-tentacled giant freshwater squid residing in the far depths of the Caspian Sea suggests a carelessness in observation and a tendency toward rushing to conclusions without proper scientific evidence. As to the the remains she claimed to have found, she blames the crew of the Baku with "poor preservation techniques by peasant fishermen" for its supposed dissolving.

We do not believe she has discovered a sequoia in western Canada that has grown, as she puts it "upside-down" with branches and leaves buried in the soil, and its roots sticking up into the air. The only proof she supplies are a few dirty and gnarled branches. There is no photographic or other proper evidence of her claim. Likewise...

Her claim that from the northern slope of Kilimanjaro, one can observe clouds passing behind the moon strikes us as the fanciful conclusions of careless observers who do not understand the basics of optical illusion.

She recently made headlines in certain newspapers not known for dedicated journalism in her announcement of a secluded valley in South America being discovered in which stone pylons depict such historic events as the moon landing, the tearing down of the Berlin Wall, and the Reagan assasination attempt. The photos supplied in these newspaper stories are, without exception, blurred beyond belief and the occasional accompanying drawing looks to have been done by a five year old with palsy.

We understand that this Dr. Petula Gregorii is contacting your organization in hopes of securing funding for an expedition to the Australian outback where she claims she and her party expect to uncover the lost remains of several noted cases of missing persons (to whit: Amelia Earhart, Judge Force Crater, and Ambrose Bierce). We understand all too well how the potent comibination of Dr. Gregorii's charm, charisma, and misguided devotion to her cause can aid in securing her funding (we ourselves contributed to the Himalayan expedition), which is why we here at Winter & Nash feel compelled to warn you.

Save yourself the grief and the funds and avoid any one-on-one meeting with Dr. Gregorii. Be unexpectedly out of town. Be out of the country, or better yet, off the continent. Get quarantined in a sickhouse. Get sent to prison. Believe us when you say you will lose less money in any of these ways than if you were to sit down with Dr. Gregorii and allow her to make her proposals to you in person.

Don't say we didn't try to warn you.

Your servants,

Winter & Nash

Next up is the old familiar rag paper with crimson ink note, but this week rather than being folded carefully, I found it crumpled and stuffed into the bottom of the mailbox. It reads:

To Whom It May Concern,

We are being followed. We are rushed in writing this, and likewise rushed in delivering.

We await your signal, but for God's sake wait until whatever is following us grows bored or dies.

signed,

(unsigned)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Into UFOs? Me neither, but you'd be surprised how many people are and how many sightings are reported each day. Check out the website of MUFON - the Mutual UFO Network who, for forty years, have been the central meeting point for UFO buffs the world over.

Enjoy, and keep watching the skies!

Rumor Tuesday: Subterranean Edition

jdteehan@sff.net (tumblewrite) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 05:24:00 GMT

Reading: Eleanor Rigby by Douglas Coupland
Music: Mick Moloney
TV/Movie: Annie Hall
Link o' the Day: short history of the Irish banjo

Sorry I've missed the past week of Rumor Tuesdays and Friday Mailbags. The cold had me set on slow for longer than I like and certain things had to get cut out. Now I'm back, tall in the saddle, so tall I'm at risk for a nosebleed. And now we're returning to our regularly scheduled truths, half-truths, white lies, and total fabrications. This week, we're going underground.

Rumor has it... The sewers of Paris contain many of the long-lost treasures of the Templar Knights including King Solomon's crown, a piece of the True Cross, and the actual Shroud of Turin (as opposed to the more famous fake residing at the Vatican).

Rumor has it... At one point in the 14th century, there were more people living beneath Cairo than above it.

Rumor has it... The band The Velvet Underground got its name after Andy Warhol did an exploratory photoshoot in the sewers beneath Greenwich Village and commented that all the moss growing on the sewer walls made it look like "a velvet underground."

Rumor has it... The story of full-grown alligators being found in the sewers of New York originated from the discovery of dinosaur bones--specifically a Velociraptor mongoliensis which were stolen from The New York Museum of Natural History and stashed there by thieves.

Rumor has it... An underground chamber maintained by the US National Security Agency is so large that a small twin-engine plane can take off on one end, cruise for ten minutes, and land at the opposite end.

Rumor has it... Speaking of sewers, Edgar Allen Poe was a big fan of the Providence's and once found a route leading from his rooming house to the Athaneum that was nearly all underground. Author H.P. Lovecraft was aware of this route and claimed it as part of the inspiration for his story "The Shunned House."

Rumor has it... More people are lost and killed in Carlsbad Caverns than are kidnapped and killed by serial killers nationwide.

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Today's link goes to a short history of the Irish banjo by famed player Mick Moloney. Did you know Irish warriors in the 5th century preferred the Irish tenor banjo as a club? It's not true, but would't that be something?

Rumor Tuesday on Wednesday: Cold and Flue Edition

jdteehan@sff.net (tumblewrite) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 05:26:00 GMT

Reading: Stranger Than Fiction: True Stories by Chuck Palahniuk
Music: Flook
TV/Movie: Wanted
Link o' the Day: The Official Charlie Chaplin website

Tuesday's Rumor file comes on Wednesday because yours truly is suffering a pretty bad cold. Therefore, this Tuesday's Rumor file (on Wednesday) features everyone's favorite maladies: colds and flus...

Rumor has it... "Flu" is one of those rare terms in which the shorter form is older than the longer form. In status-conscious Victorian England, it was considered poor breeding to suffer the same illnesses as the lower classes. Sir Henry Langford of the Royal College of Physicians was the first to coin the term "influenza" as a specific malady similar to the flu, but affecting the upper classes exclusively.

Rumor has it... Despite new virulent strains of flu that appear each year, there are actually fewer active strains of flu now than there were two hundred years ago.

Rumor has it... A child conceived while one parent is suffering a headcold is seven times more likely to be a boy than a girl. If both parents have headcolds at the time of conception, the child will be three times more likely to be a girl.

Rumor has it... The native people of Easter Island, despite frequent contact with the outside world, are the only people on Earth who appear to be immune to colds and flus.

Rumor has it... Wonder if you have a cold or a flu? Weigh yourself. People with colds weigh on average two kilos more than their normal weight while people with flues weigh two kilos less.

Rumor has it... Biggest buyers of homeopathic remedies for cold and flu? Doctors, pharmacists, and employees of pharmaceutical companies.

Rumor has it... To combat colds, child actress Shirley Temple Black recommended two days in bed cutting out paper dolls and drinking peppermint tea.

Rumor has it... Comedian Charles Fleischer could only do the voice of Roger Rabbit while suffering the later days of a cold. He recorded his part in Who Framed Roger Rabbit in the space of the final two days of a headcold and when it came time to do some re-recording during the final edits of the film, Fleischer spent the a week wandering a Los Angeles hospital until he came down with a cold again and could once again do Roger Rabbit's voice exactly as he had done it earlier in production.

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With all the love I've been seeing lately for Buster Keaton and Harold Lloyd, where's the love for the little tramp? Okay, Charlie was the biggest for a while and the renewed interest in Keaton and Lloyd's work is fairly new. Still, today's link takes you to The Official Charlie Chaplin website where you'll find all the info you'd ever want on one of the silent era's biggest comedy stars. Check it out.

Cheers!

Friday's Mailbag: The late Mr. Royal

jdteehan@sff.net (tumblewrite) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 06:03:00 GMT

Reading: Platen Stories by David Langford
Music: Flook
TV/Movie: Choke
Link o' the Day: The Lost Symbol and Freemasonry

Welcome to Friday! This week's mail comes in the form of a letter with a black border delivered from an New York attorney's office. As happens with a lot of strange mail here, things like postmarks and return addresses are hopelessly smudged. it's like a cheap literary device to keep the writer from having to explain too many awkward details.

Anyway, the letter reads forthwith:

Dear Mr. Earhart-Jones,

We regret to inform you of the passing of Bacchus "Le" Royal, born John Philip Smith, formerly of Topeka, Kansas. Mr. Royal's passing occurred on September 4, 1995. We regret contacting you at such a late date but you are a difficult individual to track down. Fortunately, part of Mr. Royal's estate included a generous fund for detective work in tracking down former members of 5th Company. All the former members of 5th Company have changed their names save you--which explains why you are the last member of 5th Company to be located and presented with these items left to you by the late Mr. Royal. (We were operating under the assumption that you too had changed your name and wasted much time and money searching for your original identity, unaware we had known it all along.)

In any case, we have located you, and now we may, at long last, close the file on Mr. Royal by presenting with you this box of items that the deceased requested be delivered to you upon the event of his death.

Please check this list against the items in the box delivered with this letter:

A soldier's left boot
Half a bible, cut diagonally
A black and white photo of an elderly Samoan woman
A used clay pipe
A map of Iowa
A compass without needle
A single page from a gentleman's novel
A small spyglass
A bottle of cologne (?)
Fifty-four cents made up of 1 quarter, 3 nickels, a dime, and four pennies--all dated 1954.

I am also charged to pass on the following message.

"Rally the troops. Seek our charge on the island. The time has come."

Again, I apologize for the lateness of this note. In the years that have passed since Mr. Royal's death, five former members of 5th Company have since passed on themselves. Two are in prison, and one is currently under hospice care.

My condolences.

Unless the contents of this box do not match this list, please do not contact this office. We are now closing the file on Bacchus "Le" Royal of 5th Company.

Yours sincerely,

William Nerve, Esq.
Attorney-at-Law

In addition to this legal letter comes a folded note on rag paper penned with crimson ink that reads:

To Whom It May Concern,

We are awaiting your signal. It seems like we have to tell you this every week. Last week we gave each other haircuts while waiting for your signal. That did not turn out well. This week we're considering tattoos.

Please send us the signal.

signed (unsigned)

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As a nod to the latest Dan Brown book, The Lost Symbol, today's link takes you to a page the Freemasons put together as a response to the book: The Lost Symbol and Freemasonry. I make reference to it in a book review I wrote for Forces of Geek.

Cheers!

Rumor Tuesday: Movie Edition

jdteehan@sff.net (tumblewrite) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 06:14:00 GMT

Reading: The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown
Music: Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me
TV/Movie: cartoons
Link o' the Day: He-Man.org

In 1923, pirates off the coast of India hijacked a ship which was carrying a print of the Rudolph Velentino movie The Sheik (1921). This is the origin of the term "pirate" when referring to illegal copies of movies. The most pirated movie on record is Three Men and a Baby (1987).

The infamous line, "Frankly Scarlet, I don't give a damn." in the movie version of Gone With the Wind (1939) does not appear in the original novel by Margaret Mitchell. It was added by the studio to beef up press coverage of the film.

During the very opening scenes of The Sixth Sense (1999), Bruce Willis is watching the end credits to Weekend at Bernie's (1989), a favorite of director M. Night Shyamalan.

A problem with funding for Clerks (1994) almost stopped Kevin Smith's film career before it began due to flooding in Smith's home which threatened the comic book collection he was selling to pay for the film.

The most cursed film in history? Conquering Cross (1941) by Sergei Eisenstein in which 189 members of the cast and crew were killed in accidents ranging from electrocution to drowning. The original cinematographer, Alexi Andropov, was killed by a bear at the Moscow zoo a week prior to the production's start.

From the cutting room floor: In Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) Francois Truffaut slapped Richard Dreyfuss. Kangaroo Jack (2003) had a cameo by John Rhys-Davies as a foul-mouthed Australian hobo. Fire Walk With Me (1992) had a cafe scene filmed in Esperanto. The topless scene in Driving Miss Daisy (1989).

Over 9,000 pounds of soba were used during the filming of the Juzo Itami film Tampopo about a trucker who trains a young widow in the art of noodles.

The theatrical preview for the Coen Bros. movie Blood Simple (1984) was created before the actual film was made. It was filmed with the help of Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell while they themselves were filming Evil Dead (1981).

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In light of a recent conversaion on Facebook, today's link takes you to He-Man.org. Want to know more about Castle Grayskull, Battlecat, Skeletor, and the Masters of the Universe? Why would you go anywhere else? This is one of the only sites of this type I've seen to openly have a download section for videogame ROMs and emulators. Go figure.

Enjoy!