The Hideout
by Sarah Harmer

Look at that green
Out through the screen
After a quick rain came
So fast that
There wasn't time
To roll up the windows
And pull the clothes
Down off the line
But i dont' care, it was so dry
The grass is happy
And I think "So am I"
Cause I'm through
Thinking about you

And for now i'm out at the hideout
Far enough outside of town
You come, you can stay
If there's something you need
To get away from

Look at the day dropping away
Hear the traffic on
A distant side road down the way
I think that dust, has settled on me
But I don't care, it was so calm
I knew I wouldn't stay forever
I knew I'd get some things together
And move on

And for now i'm out at the hideout
Far enough outside of town
You come, you can stay
If there's something you need
To get away from

I just thought of you
And what you said
Laid out on the pullout
Did you forget?
You said you wouldn't forget

Look at that green
Out through the screen
After a quick rain came
So fast that
There wasn't time
To roll up the windows
And pull the clothes
Down off the line
But i dont' care, it was so dry
The grass is happy
And I think "So am I"
Cause I'm through
Thinking about you

God I loved this song so much when I first bought this album. Sarah Harmer is Canadian and really the only reason that I heard about her was because I was living in Western Washington state and got radio from British Columbia. I've always associated that entire album ("You Were Here") with that part of the country. So many references there that remind me of that place.

But that's not what I want to write about when it comes to this song. My first reaction to this song coming up today was much different than what I would have gotten from it 5 years ago when I first heard it. Back then it seemed peaceful to me, because Washington seemed that way.

Now I am reading more into it. Now....I wonder what I'm hiding from. Or if I am at all.

We are quickly approaching a year since "Betty" came into my life. It's been quite honestly one of the most amazing years of my life. It was unexpected. And it has completely changed my life.

But I wonder if I use it as an escape from my real life. There used to be such a defining line between "Betty" life and "real" life for me. But lately that line is beyond blurred. And I'm just trying to figure out if that is a good thing or not.

These people I have grown so close with are no longer just internet friends. They are real friends. We talk on the phone constantly, we send each other real mail, not just email. And most of them know me better than any of my real life girlfriends ever did.

But what I wonder is if I am neglecting too much of my real life for this other life. And I don't know who can make that decision. Or if it really needs to be made.

All I know that is if you could measure my happiness today against my happiness this time last year.....you wouldn't even know you were talking about the same person. It's remarkable really. And something that I guess I shouldn't question. Just chalk it up to fate, destiny, a miracle, right place at the right time, whatever.

I'm grateful. I'm grateful for this escape, regardless of the outcome. Because even when it's bad, it's still better than the alternative.