Christopher Barzak
Meditations in an Emergency


grades, coffee, beer, jobs, jane
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Today I graded fifty essays. It wasn't as hard and time consuming as I thought it would be. The first twenty-five I spent at a cafe, drinking coffee. The second twenty-five I spent at a pub, drinking beer. I think the second group mayve made out with the better deal on their grades, but I worked them harder all semester, so perhaps this sort of makes up for the grind I put them through. They were freshman, and I always try to get them really prepped up for the rest of their classes from here on out.

I also interviewed to teach at a local branch of Kent State today. Got the job. So I'll be teaching at two campuses next fall, unless "the universe" provides me with something better. I quote "the universe" because an earth-mother type prof of mine asked what my plans were for next year, and since it seems like nothing is working out for cool "leave Ohio" jobs, she said, "The universe will provide what you need." Of course on a certain level, I believe this. On another level, though, I sort of sneer. When she said this, I sort of looked around and up at the sky, and waited for the universe to provide for me what I really need (which is to get out of Ohio, although heck, if there's any truth to her statement, maybe I'm meant to stay here another year) but no universal gifts were being given that day. Or the day after, or today either. I look at the street people and wonder if the universe is providing what they need too. Although I do try to be positive in general, I really don't think these sorts of ways of thinking actually help our social situations. Instead, I think that line of thinking (the universe, or god, or whatever, will provide) is really a way to excuse ourselves from helping each other out, or figuring out new ways to structure and organize. It's a way of passing the buck, so to speak. It sounds nice and good, and socially we're rewarded for being faithful to some sort of system of belief that comforts us, but ultimately I don't think those systems, nice as they are sometimes, don't always come through, or even rarely come through for certain sectors of our society. In the end, I don't think we can really rely on anything. In my own experience, I've learned to live with the assumption that the sky will fall when it will, and sometimes, oftentimes, we really can't escape the wreckage.

On a more positive note, I picked up Karen Joy Fowler's "The Jane Austen Book Club" this afternoon (after coffee, before beer) and fell in love with the prologue and first chapter. I'm now tearing through it with much fervor and vigor, and with other adjectives and adverbs of that sort. You should all really go out and buy a copy, really, I mean it. It will make you happy, at least while you're reading it, and maybe it will make you happy for a long time after that as well (will keep you updated on this last speculation).

Other than that, I've now got to start working on revisions to the novel and to two stories. I will start with the novel, so I can start sending it out soon. Then the stories. Then the new novel. I need to get lots of writing done this summer, since I'll be teaching a full load between Youngstown State and Kent State next fall.


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