So, I realized something over the past couple of days. There are two sensations I would really like to enjoy, yet I may never be able to enjoy either one. Or experience either one. One event is a definite event, but the sensation will, most likely, be very different from the sensation I would prefer to feel. They are as follows:

1.) A total release, a feeling of entering a last and final sleep, a deep slumber from which there is no reason or will to awake, a rest which fills the mind and soul leaving the body to rot and turn to dust, a state so inviting that a smile lays down on my face as I embrace the ever-welcoming darkness, no regrets, no sadness, just an omnijoyful moment as I consciously give up consciousness.

2.) Complete control over another human being's life, knowledge that I alone choose that person's destiny, their future is changed entirely by how I wish to act, and how on a whim I allow them to live out the remainder of their borrowed time, or on a whim I can collect the borrowed effects.

Just a note: I am neither suicidal nor homicidal. Felt that might be necessary ;).