College is wearing me down, it really is... well, not just school work, but an inconsiderate roommate with an idiotic best friend who lives in my room, stupid suite mates (one decided to cut his hair over the bathroom floor and just leave it, said the cleaning people could clean it up the next week), and a whole variety of required service activities that take up countless hours.

I've also been contracted to take the lead in a new Environmental Initiative project for the NCSU Park Scholars Class of 2011. Something I'm extremely interested in, but it really is going to be a massive load of work. Hopefully the results will be as good as I dream, and perhaps we can make a real difference in the Raleigh area.

However, this is a post on something rather different than my current explosion of a semester. It's almost over, just a few weeks, two tests, two papers, three exams, two programs, a major service event (Relay for Life), and a major service project that needs completing. This post is about what I really want.

What I really want.

That statement seems so very simple and plain. People all have wants an interests, things they would like to do, things they manage to do, and a whole spectrum of dreams, wishes, and fantasies.

But what do I really dream of in life?

Of course I want to help people. Making life better for humanity and making this world a better place is the ultimate goal, and the purpose I believe we were set out to strive towards. I feel compelled to dedicate myself to these endeavors, regardless of my own personal interests. I love every moment that I can serve these goals and I welcome the challenges associated with working towards this.

But what is it that I really want for me? I do indeed want to help the world, but what is my true, rooted, ripping, burning, inflamed, jealous, and strictly self consumed want?

I want to sit on a little hill, the straw grass rising around me. I want to lean against a great big oak tree at the top of the hill, reclining in the shade, protected from the harsh late summer sun. I want to feel the first fall breeze gently touching and cooling my skin.

There on that little hill, with that great big tree, hidden from the fiery sun, with a calm breeze, I sit with the heart, the veins, the blood that courses through my dream. There is a person who represents everything I dream of in life.

She embodies the most jealous part of me, a person who I can share every moment with, someone who divulges every secret to me, and whom I have nothing to hide from. A person who I can love just for who they are, and who loves me for exactly what I am.

What I want is just to sit there, time lost, leaning against the tree, her arm around my back, head on my chest, my arms ever so gently wrapped around her. There, under that tree, out of the sun, among the grass, on the hill, with that little breeze, there I find true peace and happiness.

But for now, back to my PY208 homework. Who doesn't love electric physics?