Well, the world's game is nearly upon us once more, and I for one could not be more excited! It got me thinking, as I passed several different vehicles on the drive home from God's Country West this afternoon:


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All you people who paste those customized stick-figure renditions of your family, in descending order down to the family fucking dog on the back of your stupid effing monstrocity suburbans that get approximately 1.3 miles to the gallon and necesitate our government to go bomb brown people into submission in the name of democracy so we can secure our oil supplies so you can obliviously drop the kids off at soccer, complete with nets, cones and oranges in the back (the extra weight bringing the mpg down to 1.2), happily none-the-wiser with your red-white-and-blue ribbon stickers? Well, you people who feel the need to do that? You people are frickin' dead to me.

Somewhere in the Mideast, there's a kid named Raghib who's lost both parents, watched his village get crushed into rubble, and could really, really use a nice source of potable water. Well his family never got a sticker, but I'm sure they'd root for little Bobby and Suzie to win their AYSO matches on their impeccably manicured soccer fields - and they're thrilled to help you get to the game on time.

So keep it up America - keep posting more of those dumb "this is our family" stickers like the rest of us give a shit.

...Can you believe I haven't eaten anything all day?