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It's Moron. With a D.
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If someone would develop a perfume that smelled like viburnum, second only to freesia (and perhaps gardenia) as the most fragrant flower, I would buy it by the gallon. The viburnum in the front of the house is blooming now and I risk a major allergy attack every day when it's in bloom by sticking my nose deeply into the flowers and inhaling, attempting to imprint the fragrance into the smell centers of my brain so that I can take it out again in the second week of January, when the promise of Spring is but a pale shred of mist in the distance, but it never quite takes root and every April it smells lovely and new all over again.

Allen had hernia surgery today and is recovering uncomfortably at home. The backward path of his ailments is this:
1. Hernia, apparently caused by a strain while using crutches during the recovery from...
2. Achilles tendon repair, developed in some inexplicable way while getting over...
3. Chipped bone in his ankle, which required surgery to repair the tissue damage caused by the bone chip, that was created when...
4. He attempted to carry a heavy oak bookcase into the basement, which was necessitated by...
5. Age-induced overzealousness (which replaced the word "stupidity" when I realized how mean that sounded. Accurate, but mean.)

Over the weekend I went to hear Christopher Moore, author od Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childbood Pal; The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove; Island of the Sequined Love Nun; Practical Demonkeeping and other novels, speak at our local bookstore. He does not do readings from his books because he claims that he failed at an acting career and it was painful enough to go through that once in his life. He was funnier than anyone I've heard in a long time and covered the following topics, among others:
1. The odor of the stool he was given as an impromptu mike stand (ass)
2. The ad for his discussion in Las Vegas of his new book Dirty Job (on the back of an ad for hookers)
3. The persistence of the Beta Male in human society (only because of the pity of sluts)
4. The killer bear in Tennessee (check the poop for buttons to find the right bear)
5. The bachelor party of young men who have been following/stalking him for weeks at multiple appearances (no commentary on this one. I think it speaks for itself.)

Overhead today at CVS while waiting for a prescription:
CVS clerk: "What's your first name?"
Customer: "It's Joe. With a C."

Maybe he's French.

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