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Spring Essay Question
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So, let's say, hypothetically, that you've just finished a relaxing two-week vacation in southern California. Imagine that you plan your return flight out of LAX on a Wednesday morning, anticipating somewhat lower-than-usual travel volume.

Visualize instead, if you will, a departure terminal evacuated and locked down, surrounded by approximately 87.5% of the entire LAPD, patrolled by sneering, salivating bomb-sniffing German Shepherds, with hordes of irritated Southwest and US Airways passengers (who should totally be used to being treated like cattle) milling around, ignoring the admonishments of the 87.5% to STAY ON THE DAMN SIDEWALKS.

Now, picture the swarming behavior when the terminal is re-opened, all pretense of lines being replaced by the cattle transforming into mad cow disease-infected "downer" cows, stumbling over one another for the privilege of a ticket agent telling you that your bag weighs .005 ounces over 50 lbs, which will cost you $50, credit cards only please.

Further, envision the cows approaching the security lines, snaking, snaking, snaking inside and outside, around and around, down the block to the next terminal. Imagine the TSA agent yelling at you to TAKE OFF YOUR BRACELETS OR STEP ASIDE FOR A FULL BODY CAVITY SEARCH. Said bracelets will not budge over your heat-swollen wrists, but the inducement of avoiding additional screening provides just the lubrication necessary to remove the offending metal (at least it didn't require pliers).

Finally, suppose that you discover that the reason for the evacuation was the someone decided it was completely appropriate to bring toy hand grenades aboard the plane.

Discuss. Support conclusions with evidence, or at least the wild hyperbole that marks media election coverage.

1. Assume it was an adult who made this decision to attempt to carry insanely unsuitable weapons onto a plane. Possible punishments:
A. The Stocks - too gentle unless the spectators are themselves armed with hand grenades. Real ones.
B. One finger per grenade - an even trade as long as no anesthetic is used.
C. Sterilization - preventing further propagation of this individual's DNA would be a wonderful side dish.
D. Daily travel in a center rear seat of a US Airways flight. The ultimate punishment. Cruel, unusual, and so wonderfully warranted.

2. If, instead, it was a child whose parental and/or supervisory units were not aware of this carry-on item, the adults should simply be shot. They will not spawn any further, and the children learn a valuable lesson in cause and effect.

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