...nothing here is promised, not one day... Lin-Manuel Miranda

A Day Without Really Bad Prose is like um.....
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Nothing original at the moment, though I hope to have something to say soon. Meanwhile, filler but really FUN filler. It's the Bulwer-Lytton contest. (Oh and DUH, for those tracking, Barbara has been awake, CJ Songer actually SPOKE with her on the phone the other day. Cards/messages can be sent to me, I'll send them on and they'll be delivered when appropriate.)

Never mind the Oscars, the Emmys the Tonys the Clios. The winners of the 2005 Bulwer-Lytton contest were just released. You can find them all at San Jose State University's page where poor ol' Scott Rice still labors, I believe, he who began this nonsense back in '82. The entries, please note, are due April 15, in the belief, as I recall Rice once saying, that the pain of that day (tax day in America) might as well serve two purposes.

Cheers to the website manager who put the especially purple prose in purple text. Read 'em in good health. Don't eat crackers while you're reading them, you'll likely hurt yourself. As a teaser, I have below the winner of the "detective" category which I really liked and some of the fine fantasy winners.

Winner: Detective

Patricia wrote out the phrase 'It was a dark and stormy night' exactly seventy-two times, which was the same number of times she stabbed her now quickly-rotting husband, and the same number of pages she ripped out of 'He's Just Not That Into You' by Greg Behrendt to scatter around the room -- not because she was obsessive compulsive, or had any sentimental attachment to the number seventy-two, but because she'd always wanted to give those quacks at CSI a hard time.

Kari A. Stiller
College Station, TX

Winner: Fantasy Fiction

"Why does every task in the Realm of Zithanor have to be a quest?" Baldak of Erthorn, handyman to the Great Wizard Zarthon, asked rhetorically as he began his journey began to find the Holy Hammer of Taloria and the Sacred Nail of Ikthillia so Baldak could hang one of Zarthon's mediocre watercolors, which was an art critique Baldak kept to himself unlike his predecessor, whom Zarthon turned into the Picture Frame of Torathank.

SSG Kevin Craver
Fort Polk, LA


The dragon cast his wet, rheumy eyes, heavy-lidded with misery, over his kingdom-a malodorous, rot-ridden swamp, with moss cloaking brooding, gloomy cypresses, tree trunks like decayed teeth rising from stagnant ponds, creatures with mildewed fur and scales whom the meanest roadside zoo would have rejected--and hoped the antidepressants would kick in soon.

Constance Barrett
Ruby, NY

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