So, you’re flying to, let’s pick a city, okay, let’s say Denver. A big city with a diverse population, modern outlook and all the usual 21st century stuff, right? You’re traveling there and booked your trip online without a hassle because you don’t need to worry about where you sit on the plane. It’s not ideal, but it works. And you either know the right parking lot, have someone who loves you enough to drive to the airport at Ugh O’Clock or you live in another big city, say, Seattle so you call SuperShuttle and book and that’s it. Or in this case, Shuttle Express because we had SS for a while and dumped it and as I understand it, SE bought themselves back.

Or you write to friends in Denver, most of whom of course have no reason to know about handicapped accessible rides programs, because why should they? But the hotel doesn’t have its own vans, so you havee to start planning your trip from the airport to downtown.

In general, in getting around a city when you have a physical disability you have several choices. Let’s drop private transportation for now; we don’t own a car or van and lots of us, even if we do, don’t leave it at the airport. So let’s go with public services available to people. Each city IS different. Not every city has SuperShuttle. We did, by the way but then Shuttle Express bought itself back from SS a few years ago, as I recall. The first time I called SE and asked about a wheelchair van (this was years ago when I took “no” for an answer more readily) I was told “nope, you’d have to pay for the entire van”. And that still didn’t explain how we’d get the friggin scooter into the van. When I called back some time later (maybe a year) I was told that was horseshit, that I had been misinformed that yes, SE provided wheelchair service by contracting out to one of the “cabulance” services in town. That this had ALWAYS been the case and whoever had said otherwise the last time was wrong. This was when I learned how this usually goes. Call centers suck. They are full of untrained employees who know everything and tell you so with completely convincing tones. Even when they are 100% flat out wrong.

The “cabulances” are private lpricy vans that take you where you want to go for $X and then Y cents per mile. Hugely costly. But for people who can afford it and who have never ridden a bus or whatever, it’s available. And SE would call them. They’d show up, I’d pay what I would pay SE, ,i>not the private fee and get what was essentially a private van ride to the airport, as they never seemed to book anyone else on my van. Ooookay, fine. Then about 2 years ago, when I booked with SE here, I learned that YAY, they now had their own lift-equipped vans, and they do it themselves. YAY. But I now was alerted that well, it was never going to be one phone call in the other city.

And it never is just one call or click. Every on-line reservation system for hotels is easy to use except that they often do not provide the option of choosing a wheelchair accessible room, or ADA room, or handicapped room, or whatever the hell they call it since they don’t even have a standard there. So I need to call and I’ve learned not to call the 800 call center since their numbers are usually not updated, they don’t have information on the event rate, they don’t have information on those special rooms. And blah blah ditto blah with airlines.

On Friday, after looking on line a hundred different ways and reviewing email from a friend in Denver, I tried calling SuperShuttle in Denver using a Denver telephone exchange. After sitting on hold for I dunno, 3 minutes, I got someone who informed me she could give me the telephone number for the taxi company. What? This is DENVER for crissake. This is a HUGE airport, of COURSE SuperShuttle has lift-equipped vans. Er, don’t they? I specifically asked to be sure “so you don’t have any vans that have wheelchair lists.” “No..” “Are you sure because I’ve used them in almost every major city”. “Well maybe where you are but we don’t have them. So there, nyah, nyah.” Okay, she didn’t actually say the last part.

Sorry but that was nasty, icky and wrong. She could not have cared, did not want to be bothered and was offended that I would even suggest that this fucking huge airport that serves this fucking huge community and prides itself on being diverse and a center for disabled activism, the biggest shuttle service at the airport doesn’t have a lift-euqiped van, not one?

I then stopped, emailed two friends and went back to it. I called the hotel’s concierge. He was surprised to hear what I had to say and had the phone number for the bus system’s “dial a ride” but no other great ideas. I went back to SuperShuttle on line and found the website for the Denver office and called and sat through a web of whatever numbers (it was after 5 but still) and got someone at customer service. She put me through to someone else. Who, when I asked if Denver SuperShuttle had service for wheelchairs informed me that no they did not but they made arrangements WITH THE TAXI COMPANY”. I asked what rate was charged (because I knew the answer had to be “the super shuttle rate”) and he said that it was $19, THE SUPERSHUTTLE RATE. NOT the $46 the cab would cost. But to be sure I called for assistance on this with SS, not by calling the cab company. I asked what if I did call and was told no again. He had no suggestions. There was no code, no special information to be given. I asked how long in advance to call, he said a day or two.

And no, we’re not going to try to pretend that the first bitch was in fact trying to tell me that SS used the cab company because she said nothing whatsoever about this. She just wanted me to call for a cab and wanted it to coast me $27 more and to get off her phone. When I do call about this, I will probably be so revoltingly anal retentive about it that I’ll piss someone off but since I’ve now gotten several stories, and at least FIVE telephone numbers to reach SS in Denver, I no longer know what to believe, who to trust, who I talked to and it makes me very very nervous. Very.

BUT WAIT, THERE”S MORE! The above all took place on Friday. So today, Saturday, my wonderful friend Enid called to see what they would tell her. I love this, I do. They told her indeed, that their vans were wheelchair accessible. Armed with the stuff I’d already told her, that in fact two people has informed me that no they absolutely were not, she pursued it. I love this. He had to check wih his dispatcher and reported back that in fact, they sent a Yellow Cab and – I love this part – thanked her for informing him how it worked. Doesn’t that just fill you with confidence?

And that was just ONE leg of the trip. Just the getting from DIA to the Adams Mark part. Not the part here, to or from the airport. Not the return at disgusting o’clock in the morning when I have to check what’s even running since SS does not run a 24/7 service. So next time you book your ride to the airport, or nudge your sweetie and say “you’re going to drive me to the airport, right?” think of me and be very very very very grateful you don’t have to do this. And pass the aspirin would you?

My head hurts.