Okay, so yes, I'm sure most of you know this. The fact is that the vast majority of people do not know this stuff, and so for the sake of my weak grasp on my patience and sanity, I offer this short piece of advice.

Do NOT touch my wheelchair. Do NOT touch my scooter. Whether I am in it or not. If I am not in it, do not assume that you may sit in it or that it is okay to put something on it.

Wheelchairs are not furniture. They are devices that help people get around. To a certain number of us, they are our legs. They are how we get out of bed in the morning, to work, to shopping, to the zoo, the theater, the Alamo, 42nd Street. They are very, very personal. They are also expensive.

Currently, I am using my motorized scooter - which is different from a wheelchair, by the way - but it is the equivalent of my legs. It is a relatively inexpensive device, especially compared to the designed-just-for-me, with numerous adaptations, power wheelchair that I use. The other day, I went to Iwajimaya on the van that belongs to our building. Because the driver was having trouble with my seat belt, I offered to move to a regular seat, and did. The scooter remained tied down. This happened on the way back as well. People used it to balance themselves. People used it to lean on. The driver leaned on it when she was strapping it down. No. No and NO. If you wish to do this, ask. Be polite. Again, this is not furniture, not a spare seat on the van. My scooter's seat is not locked down - it swivels - so leaning on it could actually throw you off balance. No one asked. No one even thought to say anything. I had to say to the driver twice "Please don't lean on it." And she apologized again and again. Just like she did the last time I was on the van, and she leaned on me, on my body, to reach for something. And I told her to stop.

Don't assume it is okay to touch the chair. If you are behind me and put your hand on the back of the chair, I might not know it. I might decide at that moment to recline. And you could get hurt and I would never know that you were in the way.

Many of you know me well enough to know that I am a tactile person. Many of you are too, so touching is important and often is communication between us. You are careful where you touch me. Be careful where you touch the essential item that keeps me functioning. You probably would not walk down the street with your arm around my shoulder? Don't hang on the chair. Stu and I used to hold hands as we went around the neighborhood. I don't hold hands with anyone else. You aren't Stu. Don't hold on to the scooter. If you need to lean on it, dammit, just ask. Just as you might if you needed a friend's arm for a second why you got something off your shoe.

"Is it okay?" "May I?" it's not that hard. And it will help you, I think, develop an understanding of physical disability that most people don't ever get. And that's good. Knowledge is really helpful here. Awareness is really helpful here.

Do not assume. Do not, oh please, do not be rude. I don't want to be rude back at you, but if you don't respect me and my space, I won't have a lot of respect to spare for you. I've said it before: living with a disability is exhausting. Explanations are constant and exhausting. Help me out here.