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Asche


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Dogster





am i missing the point?

somewhere? am i missing something?

see...i was thinking today about how some parents (well, a lot of them) favor one kid over the other.

see...cc is the iceback's sister, and he did favor her (yeah, you did, motherfucker)...z is my son, and yeah, i probably favored him (OK, so I did! So what?)

but i thought of cc as my daughter and so i think i tried to look at things a bit differently. i was the one who said, "so what? so she's wearing spaghetti straps...so what?" I took up for her so many times, just like i took up for z. she came to me so many times to try and "smooth" things over with her brother because she knew he was a hard ass and i wasn't quite so much. Plus, I remembered all too well what it was like being a teen-aged girl.

after all, as a parent, you have to pick your battles, don't you?

every time she wanted to do something, she came to me, to be the "go between" cause she knew her brother wouldn't go for it or he needed an assurance that it wouldn't be as bad as he imagined.

have i talked about this before? i probably have because i'm pretty obsessed about it. it tears out my heart that i gave so much to one human being that i thought of as my child and i'm the one left with nothing.

i treated her as my daughter, i took her to buy her first prom dress (and the second)

her brother kicks her out because of how her nephew feels...when she comes back to visit, they both ignore her and i talk to her, yet now, i'm the one being ignored.

wow, you know, everyone should bow down to me, because supposedly, i am a very powerful human being.

my sister-in-law/daughter won't talk to me. i guess i had something to do with her being kicked out and sneaking off to arkansas with warrants on her ass. apparently, z and the iceback had nothing to do with that (her being kicked out)...it was all my evilness (really, if i could be that evil, i'd still be with my iceback 'cause that was one of his biggest complaints about me was that i couldn't be evil enough)

hell, i just found out the other day that i uttered a few words (like a month ago) that sent a couple into fighting mode. i am just that powerful! all hail lala! i am the be-all, end-all!

wow! I HAVE THE POWER! i can make you fight, i can make you hate, i apparently can make YOU do anything I want!

Geez, i kind of wish someone had let me know that.

seriously, if i have that much power, why am i living hand to mouth in a small one bedroom apartment in florida?

*sigh*



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