earlier tonight my friend comes and gets me. she says her husband, who is also my friend, isn't breathing. i rush to her house, tell her not to panic because he is a big fucking baby.

i can hear his heart beat but there is no respirations. he's white as a ghost. she asks me "should i call 911?"

yes, this is a 911 situation.

she called on a payphone and they told her to call back on another phone so she could stay on the line with them.

i can't believe he's gone.

k said he told him all he wanted to do was dance, and tracy and i have been dancing with him the last 4 or 5 days. today, both of us refused because we were both so sore from dancing. but he was continuing to play what he called his funeral song.

larry was a good friend, he understood me, and he knew i am an intelligent person and he appreciated it.

i'm very very upset right now, so this might not be the best time to post.

i just really can't believe larry is gone.

i keep playing it over in my head. what could i have done? should i have done cpr on him? i kept beating that mother fucker in the chest, telling him not to die on us. the paramedics worked on him for over 20 mins, which is quite a long time.

it was horrible. on the oncology floor you expect someone might die. but this was so sudden. he woke up from a nap, fixed him self a drink, sat down on the couch and was gone.

i'm still in shock.