i mean, i bitch and kvetch in here so this is my bitch and kvetch zone.

i've had a rough start this year. bike stolen, irs hits me (yet not the hubby---who not only dumped me but has a baby with the person he dumped me for) with back taxes, landlord (old one quit so now a new one) tells me i have until the end of the month to pony up on the pet deposit which they claim i only paid $5 bucks on when i actually paid $50.

no, not a good year so far for lala. i don't get it sometimes. i'm a nice, good, honest (sometimes too honest) person. i don't screw people over and hey, i'm a procrastinator and i do let people down with my promises because of that, but still...i know my faults. i can be a bit unreliable. i'm flaky, a free spirit and i don't set out to hurt feelings, last thing i'd want to do, but i end up hurting feelings. i'm too much of a marshmellow sometimes and i so don't want to hurt someone else's feelings that i give in and do things that go against my better judgement. i am a pleaser.

but still, why does life seem to like to kick me around so much? i see people who take pleasure in hurting others, people who relish in the fact they've stolen from someone else, people who look to take advantage of someone else.

i guess good guys do finish last. i've been in this sickening, sludge filled mire for 3 years and just when i think i can claw my way out, something else comes a long and knocks me back down. the tar pit is pulling me down. i'm way too old for this bullshit.

one would not know it by reading my journal, but i'm a positive person, i really am. i've never relied on anyone else to make me happy because happiness resides within yourself but i just don't know how many more outside beat-downs i can take. i'm strong but that strength is waning fast. i just don't know how much strength i have left.