How to explain this movie? How to explain my fondness for this movie -- well, really, two scenes. I like the part where they insert the leech into the brain of the "death guard" and it oozes green, and then he starts rampaging around, and I love it when the ferret takes Rip Torn out. John Amos in a leather diaper! Mark Singer in a leather diaper! I assume it was post-Conan and everyone was saying: Put me in one of those movies where I get to wear a leather (or fur) diaper. And, really, how would one be able to read one of those scripts and judge its potential. I'm sure "Conan" didn't exactly sing on the page.

I think "The Beastmaster" was in constant rotation on late-night cable back in the days when I worked the night shift and I was always catching a minute or two just before sleep. At least Rip Torn got to redeem himself with "The Larry Sanders Show," "Men in Black," and "Songwriter." ("If I wanted shit from you I'd squeeze your head.")

Anyone else have some Friday cheese, an impossibly stupid movie that you can't help loving?